I just got done writing a very emotionally difficult scene in Alpha Female, and I thought I’d share.
SPOILER ALERT! Don’t read any further if you plan on reading it and want to be surprised.
The backstory: Luke is the male lead, Natasha is the main character. Luke and Natasha have fallen in love, and Luke has healed her after she almost died but the price he paid was “going rogue,” which basically means he’s reduced to his animal impulses and not much else (including speech…he speaks very oddly here). She’s trying to get through to him, because he is extremely dangerous and could kill her. And she believes she can save him….
“It’s not just you,” Natasha said, her voice quivering. “It’s everything. I still have to do the rituals for my Fallen. And, home. I suppose I could go back…in time.”
He nodded. “Back, you. Me, leave. Now.” That tightness got worse, almost suffocating, and he reached out and brushed her shoulder. Little touch. Just to see. “Sad, no. Don’t want.”
“It’s all right.” Natasha reached out to him, twining her fingers with his. “I’ll be fine. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“No, you. Worry, no.”
“How can I not? You almost hurt me, you can barely speak…how am I going to fix this?” Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she sobbed.
He laid his hand on the the edge of one wing. “Choice, me. Heal, you.”
“You should have let me die!” she said, her hands clenched into fists. “You would find another and you wouldn’t be…this.” She stood and walked towards the door. Away from him.
And even though she should have gone and he should have let her, he let out a whimper. He didn’t want her to leave, he realized. He wanted to hear her talk to him and touch his hand. He wanted her near him. Not far away.
“Don’t…go,” Luke said, forcing the words out. His heart raced in time with his thoughts. Chaos again. Chaos, no.
Natasha arched a brow. “Don’t go?” she repeated. “Is that what you said?” She closed the distance between them in three long strides. “Say it again!”
He winced. He wasn’t sure he could do it again. “Go, don’t. No…” He let out an ear-piercing scream, so loud that he was sure he’d popped his own eardrums. He couldn’t stand this. He needed to talk, not be an animal. “No…”
“All right. Take a breath. Say it again for me.” Her eyes held the world to him. He was nothing without her.
His mouth worked, his tongue moved, but he couldn’t pry the words out. He couldn’t slow his thoughts long enough to know what sounds to make.
He really was an animal, wasn’t he?
He let out another scream. This time, it was a howl. Once he turned [wolf], he could never go back.
END SPOILER ALERT
So I’m doing pretty well with this, which makes me all sorts of happy. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming…