Second Year of No Fear: 2015 Manifesto

I’m doing a Second Year of No Fear, and anyone who would like to join me can do so.  #nofear

2014 was about No Fear for me. In Holly Lisle’s Motivation class, I learned that a huge part of my problem with motivation was FEAR. So, I’m publicly declaring my desire to get past the fear and lead a more successful, fun, enriched life. I WILL conquer this.

2015 is my second year that I will endeavor to live fearlessly.

Okay, so here are the things I want to do:

1) Ice skating (carried over from 2014)- I’ve always wanted to do, but have been afraid to break something (I’m a klutz and I have 24/7 vertigo. This will be challenge.)<–DONE 1/4/14 – Did not fall, did not injure myself! Gonna make this a regular thing. 😀 Three times last year, twice this year so far.

2) Write erotica (a novel, short story, or novella) (Carried over from 2014)- Not the trashy stuff, but the stuff like Kendall Grey writes. She’s my inspiration.<–In the planning stage. Working title is Awaken Me. Awaken Me started on 5/4/14. Would like to finish this draft this year.

3) Write more poetry (carried over from 2014)- I fear I’ve lost my ability to write poetry.Wrote poem #1 on 4/27/14. Edited 2 drafts on 5/7/14 Poem #2 written 5/8/14. 2 poems written 5/15/14, 3 poems written 5/16/14 (one haiku!) 3 poems written on 5/22/14 about a subject I haven’t been able to write about for 5 years. 1 poem drafted (first of 2015!) 1/13/15. Did some freewrites recently that may turn into poems.  Plus, I found some older drafts I’d like to edit.  Win. Edited 2 poems on 3/8/15.

4) Go on a REAL diet (carried over from 2014) – Being a foodie and working in foodservice, I’ve become somewhat addicted to food and my enjoyment of it. Dieting I fear will take away the enjoyment. But it’s getting critical for me health-wise and NEEDS TO HAPPEN. No half-ass, when I feel like it dieting. I fully commit to a REAL diet and REAL weight loss.<–6/26/14: Instituting a new rule: 1 low-fat meal per week to start, and I’d like to work my way up to at least 2 a week. Doing well with eating more veggies. The stress eating however continues to be a problem. 11/4/15 – Back to tracking my calories. No weight loss as of yet, but I am eating healthier portions and more veggies, so that’s a win so far.

5) Exercise (NEW) – Get on some kind of exercise program.  Baby steps. 1/13/14: Considering joining the fitness program at my PT’s office. Update: 2/22/15: Not going to work. I’m getting a pedometer for walking and a physio ball for my back and do it at home. Update: 6/21/15 – Kind of lost my way there. Been feeling awful lately, and haven’t had the motivation. That will change NOW. 11/4/15 Update: Trying for 15 minutes of physical activity 3x a week (baby steps!) So far, it’s going pretty well.

6) Dye my hair (carried over from 2014). Been saying that I would for a least 10 years, and it never happens. Fear of change. Update: 6/21/15 – Discussed it with various family members, but no forward motion yet.

7) Take more pictures (carried over from 2014)- This goes hand-in-hand with my fear of change and fear of deviating from routine. I am so much a creature of habit and routine that I’ve basically locked myself in my office and haven’t come out for hours. And that’s on a good day. So, I need to take more pictures (because I miss photography so much), I need to get out into the world, and I need to stretch my other creative muscles.<—Photo shoot #1 done 5/10/14 (Church/Low light/HDR). Shoot #2 6/21/14 (Clinton River Park – Got some beautiful color/b&w/sepia pics of the bridge and various other things. Three more shoots at 3 camping trips. Sea Life Exhibit 2/21/15 – Took so many pictures my camera died!
Camping trip pics taken 6/1/15-6/5/15 Tawas Pointe State Park in East Tawas, MI
Update: 6/21/15 – Planning on creating a collage of all of our camping photos. My goal is to get at least a few good pictures per camping trip. Also need to locate ones from trips past. And figure out where I can get them printed.
Camping pictures (+digital infrared!) taken at Pontiac Lake State Park, White Lake, MI  7/17/15-7/19/15
Camping pics + digital infrared at Port Crescent State Park, Port Austin, MI 8/9/15-8/13/15
B&W test shoot 10/31/15

8) Take self-portraits again (carried over from 2014). Fear of failure right here. I used to do self-portraits in my college years, and I love it. Over the years, it has dwindled to nothing, but I’m still getting ideas all the time. My last shoot was in 2009. I’ve gained a lot of weight since then and I am afraid I’ll look terrible. BUT the self-portraits aren’t about looks, and I don’t necessarily have to show anyone them. It is personal. But, I’d like to get over my fear and do something with it this year.<–In progress. Have taken a selfie (normal, not artsy so I still have a way to go yet!) almost every day of April. Getting closer.

9) Go to new places (carried over from 2014). Anywhere I haven’t been counts.
Clinton River Park on 6/21/14
Sea Life Exhibit 2/21/15
Tawas Pointe State Park – East Tawas, MI  June 2015
Pontiac Lake State Park – Pontiac, MI  July 2015
McGinnis Lake State Park – Holly, MI  September 2015

10) Seek 2nd opinion about my eye (carried over from 2014)- I trust my neurologist implicitly, but even he felt that feedback from another neurologist could be helpful. Scared as hell, but it needs to be done. 11/8/14 Update: Currently not seeking 2nd opinion from a neurologist. I’m exploring another angle, that something might be wrong with the eye itself, and I have an appointment to discuss this with my eye doctor this Sunday 11/9/14. Update 1/1/15: Back to the drawing board, as it is not what I thought.  Seeing new neurologist on 1/30/15. Saw new neurologist who believes it may be an eye problem.  Need to research specialists who deal with eye diseases. 3/8/15: Research done. Just need to make some calls. 6/10/15 – No go. Pursuing a nerve condition as a possible cause. Need appt. with a neuro. Again. Update: 6/21/15 – Appt. with new neuro 7/17/15. Update 7/22/15: AND WE HAVE AN ANSWER! TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA. On better meds and am almost PAIN FREE!

11) Submit a novel/novella to a traditional publisher/agent (carried over from 2014). My #1 goal since the beginning. It will be a challenge, but it is time I start looking at other possibilities (this assumes I have something to submit).Update 12/19/15 – Working on an older novel for possible submission to a traditional publisher. Fingers crossed.

12) Revision (carried over from 2014): Start 1 novel revision that has been languishing  – Planning on tackling Survivor, my psychological horror from 2004, on Sundays this year.  Started this on 1/11/15. Slow progress. Update: 6/21/15 – Still making slow progress, but it’s happening. Update 7/22/15 – Almost finished with the re-outline. Update: 10/05/15 – Might be my NaNoWriMo project this year. We’ll see. Update 12/19/15 – Did not happen, picked something else. Going on schedule for 2016. Now revising older novel for a traditional publisher.

13) Darkroom photography (NEW)- I decided to revive my interest and work in my b&w darkroom, which will require money, time, and energy. I originally challenged myself to do something with it by my birthday in March, but circumstances may force me to revise that goal, so stay tuned! (Not a fear thing, it’s actually a health thing at the moment). Planning to do something with this within the next 3 months. 1/13/15 – Took inventory this past weekend and started cleaning.  Discovered two mega-jugs of chemicals, unopened, that I’d apparently bought and forgot about. Cool. 😀 Update: 6/21/15 – Swept up in darkroom area (dust is the enemy of negatives). Going to call a camera store (assuming they still exist!) and see about fixing my automatic 35mm. Also want to find my manual 35mm camera so I can do infrared again. Update: 7/22/15 – Found it! Also experimenting with digital infrared! 10/05/15 Update: Camera couldn’t be fixed so I bought a new body. I plan on shooting a test roll between now and the new year. Go me!
11/4/15 – Test roll shot and ready to be developed!

I reserve the right to add, change, or delete any of the above goals. I am committing to these, but life is sometimes unpredictable, and I want to be flexible.

I invite anyone reading this to do the same, and let me know about it. We can walk this journey together and cheer each other on. #NoFear