The Year of No Fear: 2014 Manifesto

This is a work-in-progress and by no means complete. I will try — really, really try – to do the things I set out to do.

2014 is going to be about No Fear for me. In Holly Lisle’s Motivation class, I learned that a huge part of my problem with motivation was FEAR. So, I’m publicly declaring my desire to get past the fear and lead a more successful, fun, enriched life. I WILL conquer this.

Okay, so here are the things I want to do (get past the fear):

1) Ice skating – I’ve always wanted to do, but have been afraid to break something (I’m a klutz and I have 24/7 vertigo. This will be challenge.)<–DONE 1/4/14 – Did not fall, did not injure myself! Gonna make this a regular thing. šŸ˜€

2) Write erotica (a novel, short story, or novella) – Not the trashy stuff, but the stuff like Kendall Grey writes. She’s my inspiration.<–In the planning stage. Working title is Awaken Me. Awaken Me started on 5/4/14.

3) Write more poetry – I fear I’ve lost my ability to write poetry.Wrote poem #1 on 4/27/14. Edited 2 drafts on 5/7/14 Poem #2 written 5/8/14. 2 poems written 5/15/14, 3 poems written 5/16/14 (one haiku!) 3 poems written on 5/22/14 about a subject I haven’t been able to write about for 5 years. More coming!

4) Go on a REAL diet – Being a foodie and working in foodservice, I’ve become somewhat addicted to food and my enjoyment of it. Dieting I fear will take away the enjoyment. But it’s getting critical for me health-wise and NEEDS TO HAPPEN. No half-ass, when I feel like it dieting. I fully commit to a REAL diet and REAL weight loss.<–6/26/14: Instituting a new rule: 1 low-fat meal per week to start, and I’d like to work my way up to at least 2 a week. Doing well with eating more veggies. The stress eating however continues to be a problem.

5) Dye my hair. Been saying that I would for a least 10 years, and it never happens. Fear of change.

6) Take more pictures/get out of the house/be creative – This goes hand-in-hand with my fear of change and fear of deviating from routine. I am so much a creature of habit and routine that I’ve basically locked myself in my office and haven’t come out for hours. And that’s on a good day. So, I need to take more pictures (because I miss photography so much), I need to get out into the world, and I need to stretch my other creative muscles.<—Photo shoot #1 done 5/10/14 (Church/Low light/HDR). Shoot #2 6/21/14 (Clinton River Park – Got some beautiful color/b&w/sepia pics of the bridge and various other things. Three more shoots at 3 camping trips.

7) Take self-portraits again. Fear of failure right here. I used to do self-portraits in my college years, and I love it. Over the years, it has dwindled to nothing, but I’m still getting ideas all the time. My last shoot was in 2009. I’ve gained a lot of weight since then and I am afraid I’ll look terrible. BUT the self-portraits aren’t about looks, and I don’t necessarily have to show anyone them. It is personal. But, I’d like to get over my fear and do something with it this year.<–In progress. Have taken a selfie (normal, not artsy so I still have a way to go yet!) almost every day of April. Getting closer.

8) Go to new places. Anywhere I haven’t been counts. Clinton River Park on 6/21/14

9) Cultivate other creative things – my bracelet-making, which is on the back burner until we sell some, and possibly photo cards if I can obtain the necessary equipment. Maybe — this is mostly money-dependent.<–There might be a possibility here.

10) Goal A – Can’t name this publicly, but it’s important to my mental health and well-being.

11) Optimism/gratitude/patient/happy life. I spend a lot of my time in a funk. Some of it’s the clinical depression, but some of it is just me. Would like to try to be more upbeat and positive.Happy things: I’m in fairly good health and I’m able-bodied; I have my creativity, friends, and family; I have a home and food on the table; I’m not dying; I am able to see, hear, and feel; I’m not alone in life, I have an awesome support system; I have writing; I have photography. 6/25/14: Started a Gratitude Journal with the goal of writing down three things I’m grateful for every day.

12) Seek 2nd opinion about my eye – I trust my neurologist implicitly, but even he felt that feedback from another neurologist could be helpful. Scared as hell, but it needs to be done. 11/8/14 Update: Currently not seeking 2nd opinion from a neurologist. I’m exploring another angle, that something might be wrong with the eye itself, and I have an appointment to discuss this with my eye doctor this Sunday 11/9.

13) Be more spontaneous. I am SUCH a planner. I want to throw caution to the wind and do something spur-of-the-moment.

14) Submit a novel/novella to a traditional publisher/agent. My #1 goal since the beginning. It will be a challenge, but it is time I start looking at other possibilities (this assumes I have something to submit — this may carry into 2015).
14) Write (or rather, REwrite) a final draft of Grave Touched I can be proud of (big goal here, but I can do this). <–6/27/14 – 44k into the rewrite and it’s going pretty well. 11/2/14 – Finished the “revision” which turned into almost a complete rewrite, at 133k. Currently revising/editing/polishing for submission 1/1/15.

15)New addition: Darkroom photography – I decided to revive my interest and work in my b&w darkroom, which will require money, time, and energy. I originally challenged myself to do something with it by my birthday in March, but circumstances may force me to revise that goal, so stay tuned! (Not a fear thing, it’s actually a health thing at the moment).

I reserve the right to add, change, or delete any of the above goals. I am committing to these, but life is sometimes unpredictable, and I want to be flexible.

I invite anyone reading this to do the same, and let me know about it. We can walk this journey together and cheer each other on. #NoFear

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