Survivor: An Interview with Amber

Amber is the main character, and Survivor is the story. I’m having trouble with the first two scenes. So, I interviewed Amber. Found out some interesting things. (I do this occasionally when I’m stuck. It works wonders.)

So here’s the interview, as it came from my fingertips. You might get a kick out of it.

NOTE: A is Amber, blank is me.

Why are you being so difficult?

A: I’m not being difficult. You’re being difficult.

How so?

A: You won’t write. You’re confused. You can’t be confused with this.

Okay, why do you think that?

A: How long have you worked on this book? 11 years? You should know it. Really know it. And me.

I really don’t know you. Not as you are now. Time has passed between then and now.

A: I’m the same girl you sat down with back in 2004. I haven’t changed.

But your beginning feels wrong. Why?

A: Distance? You’re more sensitive now? Less sensitive? I dunno. You’re different.

I’ve grown as a writer, for sure.

A: Have you grown out of this book?

HELL NO.

A: Okay, then. Let’s work together to solve this.

Okay, let’s do that.

A: I still think my beginning is powerful. All you got to do is fix it so [redacted for spoilers]. Maybe cut away from me screaming incoherently and to me in the hospital, looking at my face in the mirror and horrified at the bandages.

I could see you horrified, yeah.

A: I won’t look like her anymore.

No, you won’t.

A: And I will be…freaked out, I think. I mean, I was manic in scene 1, I was in an almost fatal car crash in scene 2, so I’m a little bit whacked out. Play with that. Bring in the Guardian.

Isn’t it too soon?

A: No, because I need stuff to pile up. It needs to build until I crack.

So I’m torturing you.

A: Bingo. And we know how much you love that.

I do, yeah. But why can’t we keep it the same?

A: The same isn’t working. Your brain is telling you that. Hell, your muse is telling you. You couldn’t even look at it yesterday, you were so confused. And that kinda sucks. I need my story told.

I need to tell your story. I need it out of my head and into the world.

A: Yes, so let’s take care of this problem and move the freak on, okay?

Okay. We will do that.

So…got some ideas. Also, just before doing this freewrite, I did a different one on why I was stuck. I discovered that because I’ve been getting feedback on everything, my muse is a bit beat up. (And I need that feedback, so this isn’t a complaint, honestly!) She’s feeling cagey about just writing and getting words down, and screwing up the story. So I need to step away from that — at least, when writing — and see if I can just write and not worry about anything else.

Things creep in, you know? Bills. Work. Eye pain. The upcoming release. What people will say. Hell, what they won’t say. I need to let it all GO, right here, right now.

And just write.

Year of No Fear – 2014 Manifesto – July Progress Report

This one’s going to be a bit sparse. I’ve been working on the Grave Touched Revision like a fiend.

In July:

~Revision: Wrote 16k on Grave Touched
~Diet: Have been working toward eating healthier, watching my dinner choices when we go out to eat, which has been a problem for years. I also have been adding 1 low-cal meal a week to our dinners at home.
~Poetry: Ah, have been thinking about it again. Need to find the time to write some!
~Gratitude: Been thinking of 3 things daily most of the time, just can’t keep up with the journal. May switch to monthly posts instead of daily.

And that’s really it. I hope to get more done as we go.

Year of No Fear: 2014 Manifesto – June Progress Report

Here we are again with another Year of No Fear Progress Report! I did some things in June, and I’m proud to say that I’m feeling pretty good about them.

Here’s how the month shook out:

Photography/New place: Went to the Clinton River Park with my hubby and took some awesome pictures! And, it was a new place, so it counts under my “Go to new places” thing.

Gratitude: Just started a Gratitude Journal at http://soulfearless.wordpress.com . (Ahem. I also need to update it, oops!)

Erotica: Made some progress on Awaken Me.

Diet: Integrating more veggies into meals. Also initiated a new rule: 1 low-calorie meal per week to start, and at some point, I’ll add at least one more. Trying to watch my portions.

Self-portraits: Lots of ideas. Just need to implement them.

Grave Touched Rewrite/Flamebound Revision: 46k into the Grave Touched Rewrite and going strong; I have a possible new direction for Flamebound which might prove to be better. I’m starting to get excited about it again which is cool.

A bit lean this month. I meant to try to write some more poetry, but it just didn’t happen. Still working on that. Life’s been kind of crazy lately, so once things calm down a bit, I should be able to focus on this stuff better.

Year of No Fear – 2014 Manifesto – May Progress Report

May was the month where I finally made some awesome headway on conquering my fears. Here’s what I did:

~Poetry: Wrote 10 (!!) drafts, edited 2 old drafts, and 3 of the 10 poems written were about a subject I haven’t been able to write about for 5 years. I’d say that’s progress!

~Photography: First shoot done on 5/10. Low light/Church. Beautiful pictures. 😀

~Erotica: I started Awaken Me on 5/4, a novella about cat shifters. Still in progress.

~Self-portraits: Been taking them hit and miss. Still nothing artsy, but I have been keeping my eye out for something cool to wear that won’t break the bank.

~Revision: Restarting Grave Touched today or tomorrow.

~New project: Although it’s not technically part of my Year of No Fear, I did start a new novel called Soulfire. It has a cool concept. Usually, I’d wait till I finished something, but I feared (!!) the enthusiasm and ideas would just vanish. Or it would take over and I’d mess up my deadlines. Well, no. I decided to start on it anyway and work on it when I could. I am trusting that I can do this without screwing things up.

So I’m pretty happy with what I’ve done so far. Here’s to much more!

#ROW80 Check-in 5/7/14

I finally made a ruling on my project for this month! It’s Awaken Me, the erotica novella. It’s going pretty well so far. Only thing is, my wrist is starting to get twinge-y, which means I need to back off for a bit. So I’m not sure how much I’ll get done by the next Check-in, but I’ll try to do something.

I also decided on #poetrywednesday. I’m going to work on some poetry, per my Year of No Fear Manifesto, and because there’s been a bunch of lines that are gnawing on me. Been jotting them all down. And I want to start on it now. And, naturally, I’ll be tweeting it. Don’t know if anyone will follow it, but it amuses me so I’ll give it a shot.

Annnd that’s about it for now. 😀

Stats!

Words written so far: 2,011 on Awaken Me
Words remaining: 32,989 words
What’s happening: Allison, the MC’s bestie, is trying to convince her to join a secret, special club. 😉
What’s next: Beth, the MC, agrees. And her life changes dramatically.
Feeling: Okay. Not fond of this rainy weather, though. But…we’re getting 80 degree weather tomorrow (!).
Eye report: Not bad
Chocolate consumption: A WW Twix bar. And lemon cookies, but they don’t count.
Mood music: Adam Lambert ~ Trespassing album

Year of No Fear 2014 Manifesto: April Progress Report

So, here we are at the end of April. So what have I accomplished? Well, it’s been tough going because of my back. Still having issues. It’s majorly bumming me out, but at the moment, there’s not much I can do.

~Self-portraits: I’ve taken a selfie almost every day this month on my Kindle Fire HDX. Getting a bit more used to it now. And it’s kind of fun to sift through the pictures and see what I looked like, what I wore, etc. A lot of them were taken at work in the Conference Room where I take my lunch (half) hour. Getting there! (I still haven’t gotten up the courage to do an artsy shoot…baby steps!)

~Erotica: I have a bit of an idea of what I want to do, and I’d like to write a novella in a month or so. This month’s experience writing Reaper Girl taught me that I can make decent progress on another project. I not only hit my preferred wordcount, but I wrote 12k more than I was supposed to. Oops? Still, it was very freeing and thrilling and I wanna do it again. ASAP. I have a premise, I have my two main characters, I have a sort of plot, and I even have a working title. Just need to start.

~Poetry: I wrote my first poem of the year on 4/27/14. It’s not perfect, or even pretty, but it’s a start!

~Photography: I’m hoping (*crossing fingers*) that I can do some shooting this weekend. I hope!

~Ice skating: Still in the plan.

~Cultivating other creative things: I’ve got a possibility, just need to find the time to work on it and learn the technique.

Moving along!

Year of No Fear – 2014 Manifesto – March Progress Report

This has been a very slow month for me because my back is still a problem, so most of what I wanted to do had to be put off. 😦 Makes me sad, but the year is still young and I need to take care of myself.

So here’s the rundown of what I’ve accomplished:

~Poetry: I’ve looked over some poem drafts. Still waiting for something to gel. Got everything set up on my HDX so if something hits me on the go, I can jump on it.
~Self-portraits: I’ve started, as an experiment, taking selfies on my new Kindle Fire HDX. Totally not serious, completely goofy, just to get used to doing it again. I’m going to try to take a pic a day for 30 days, and see how that goes. It’s something.
~Photography: Got plans. Need to execute them as soon as my back is better (HDR photos and park photos are planned, so far).
~Ice skating: On hold till back is better. But hey, I got new ice skates from the hubby for my birthday! Can’t wait to try them out!
~Revision: It’s coming along pretty darned well. Just hit 40k in draft, and I’m excited about it again. This month however is devoted to my TDP anthology story “Reaper Girl” which is due May 1st.
~Erotica: Ideas are happening. No real time to tinker, unfortunately.
~Diet: Lost 7 pounds! Trying really hard to watch what I eat and how much.
~Optimism: Been sorta tough with health things happening, but I am trying.

And that’s basically it. Still progressing which is good, right?

Year of No Fear: 2014 Manifesto – January Progress Report

A lot has happened since I sat down and made the decision to do this Year of No Fear thing. So far, my progress has been slow. I hit a few bumps in the road that made it necessary to put a few things on hold. I took a bad fall at work which messed me up for awhile. And then as soon as I began feeling better, I got bronchitis, which I’m just now getting over. Ye Gods.

The biggest thing I did in January was ICE SKATING. Several times, in fact. Hubby and I have decided to make this a year-long endeavor. I haven’t fallen (yet) but it’s been so much fun that I almost don’t care. And the feeling of conquering that fear? I can’t even describe it. It was a rush, ecstasy, heaven on Earth.

On to the little things:

~Been thinking about writing more poetry. Would like to. Being that it’s been awhile (a few years at least, I think), I have to approach this slowly.
~Been discussing dyeing my hair with my family — not that I need approval or anything. I need help, as my hair is really long. Looking to get someone to commit to this so I can DO IT.
~Brainstorming an erotica short story/novella/something. All I know right now is that it’s gonna be female/female and will involve cat shapeshifters. That’s it for now.
~REAL diet – yeah, working up to this slowly. I’m integrating more veggies into my meals and have been trying to decrease my portion amounts. As for the junk food, still working on eating less. (Baby steps).
~Photography – my planned photo shoot has been put on hold due to this bitterly cold weather. Am considering other possibilities that I can do at home. I haven’t felt up to self-portraits yet, but it’s simmering.
~Grave Touched Rewrite – this puppy is moving slower than sludge. I know why – my muse/subconscious doesn’t wanna do the same work AND yes, I am afraid to f**k it up again. Working on getting over it.
~Goal A – off the table for reasons beyond my control. Still possible for the future, though.
~Positive thinking, etc – Working very hard toward this. Making moderate progress.

So, yeah, it’s happening, just SLOWLY. But any progress is better than none, right?

2013 in Review and 2014 Goals: Year of No Fear

This has been a very tough, challenging year for me because of my eye problems and everything that went along with it. An awful lot got compromised and set aside. But, I have accomplished some things that I am very proud of:

~I didn’t write for 3 months and did not go insane or kill anyone. That’s a big plus, right?
~I finished the revision of Grave Touched and turned it in on time. (Unfortunately, it needs a rewrite. More on that later).
~I took Holly Lisle’s Flash Fiction class and wrote 7 flash stories, 6 of which I self-pubbed as an anthology called In Flames. I also contributed to the Turtleduck Press Freebies with actual stories: Beloved(sci-fi) and Mirror (horror). I have another flash story going up on the TDP website on Jan. 1st, The Penitent (supernatural/horror).
~I made great progress on the Flamebound. I’m up to lesson 17 of 22.
~I took Holly Lisle’s Motivation class and learned some very, very important things that I have been trying to put into practice. Not quite there yet, but it’s happening.
~I got several new story ideas to add to the ever-growing writing queue.
~I worked a bit on Darklight as well.

Other goals I set not mentioned above:

~Reread Survivor and make notes for rewrite <–This has been started, but not much work done on it to be honest.
~Start a new novel? (Contenders: Darkweaver and Soul Touched, Fey Touched book 3) <–Not done. Darkweaver's still in the queue, and Fey Touched book #3 has been changed to Ever Touched. I can haz a plan!
~Redesign website so it makes sense Have decided to put this on hold.
~Get on a regular blogging schedule Started, with WWW Wednesdays. Would like to add more.
~Continue to look for more freelance editing/proofreading jobs <–Not really done, as my eye thing made it impossible to do anything except drafting for a loooong time. Still not out of the question — just not right now.

So you see I'm working little by little on reclaiming my life. It might not look like much at all, but I did things — I didn't bemoan my fate and give up. I kept plugging away. And while my writing numbers are quite low, I managed to release an anthology, write 7 flash stories, and finish Grave Touched. Not bad in my book. (I also want to add that as of November-ish, I’ve written just shy of 150k for the year. Not bad for having eye pain for almost a year!).

A little aside about Grave Touched… What can I say? I was be-bopping along, thinking I’d nailed it (or came close to it), only to find out that I screwed up. Bigtime. I believe I might have been a bit delusional. I won’t blame my eye entirely, but it did mess a bit with my creativity and story decisions. My editor — bless her soul — is totally right. It needs a rewrite. I know I am up to the challenge, and I know the book will be better and stronger for it. Am I disappointed? Hell yeah. But I consider myself a professional, and a professional would take a step back, shed the ego, and really look at what’s going on. Once I did that, I knew she was right. And I’ve already started on the planning, and I have some good ideas for improving it. So, no big.

As for the release date…we’re rejigging our release schedule and tentatively it looks like around February 2015. That may seem like a loooooong time, but in writing time, it’s not. It’s partly to accommodate the new schedule and to accommodate my need for enough time to do a thorough rewrite. So that’s the story.

As for 2014 goals…I’ve made some big decisions for this year. I am going to do things that I’ve been afraid to do. Fear is a HUGE factor in motivation, I found out. And when I dug in and followed the path to the source, it was mostly fear that was holding me back. So I want to fix this in 2014. Along with the following:

~Rewrite and revise Grave Touched by deadline (Sept/Oct – we’re not sure yet)
~Continue working on another draft of something (Flamebound is the top contender) if it doesn’t interfere with GT
~Continue the Flamebound revision (ties into the draft above)
~Make some type of ruling on Survivor – when to work on it and COMMIT to it
~Plan/plot/figure out Ever Touched
~Write more flash stories/poetry

As for the non-writing goals, check out my 2014 Manifesto (forthcoming!)

Hopefully, things will settle down in 2014 and I can get more creative stuff going. I miss photography and I want to grow and enrich my life. I also hope to nail the GT rewrite and get back on track with the series. And WRITE MORE.

Happy 2014. See you on the flip side.