In My Dreams With You

“In My Dreams With You” by Steve Vai is becoming Natasha and Luke’s theme in Alpha Female.  When I started it, it was one of the songs that I continuously played.  Along the way, I sort of moved away from it.  But today, once I painted myself into a corner with the plot, I put it back on and bam! It started working.  Beautifully, in fact.

Part of the reason, I believe, is this song’s personal significance to me.  Let’s just say that I have some pleasant memories associated with it, and I believe they helped fuel the process.  I find it fascinating that as a writer,  feelings evoked by a specific song and channeling that onto the page (or, the screen) is a really cool thing to be able to do.  I remember Holly Lisle saying something about using parts of yourself and your life (very little, not everything) in your fiction would make it more real to the reader.  But oftentimes, I as a writer need it to feel real to me.  And I think attaching a significant song to it made it more real, at least in my mind, enough so that I could write the scene fairly well.  It’s an interesting thing.

This is why I almost always have some type of theme song for characters, worlds, and books.  Alpha Femle reminds me a bit of Flamebound, because the music is influencing the plot in unexpected ways.  Queensryche’s “No Sanctuary” inspired an actual part of the world of Flamebound, and “Take Hold of the Flame” (also by Queensryche) inspired the entire thing.  And it’s both songs that drove the plot, drove the characters.  Music is very, very good for me and my muse.

So, that was a good writing session.  1,439 words, almost double my quota.  I’d had a migraine since last night that finally went away, and lamented to the beloved that I was out of the mindset because I’d skipped last night’s writing.  And it was a bit difficult at first, but Iron Maiden, believe it or not, got me through that part.

So I’m on my way.  My next task is to do a Tarot reading to generate a few plot twists.

Progress?

Lately I’ve been well…..wangsting over my lack of publication.  Stupid, I know, right?  The Inner Slave Driver seems to feel that I’m not working fast enough.  18k so far on Alpha Female + 70 or so notecards done for Pirouette in one month?  That’s slow?  As Alisia would say, mercy me.

Okay, so I’m just a wee bit impatient.  I’m very competitive, and when I hear about writers being successful, I always feel a little sick inside.  The whole, well, why the hell aren’t you there yet? Huh? routine.  And I’d like to make it clear that I am happy for those lucky writers–I’m sure they worked hard for it — and feel no ill will against them.  However, it always shines the spotlight on what I haven’t done.  And that just blows.

And I’ve been working hard, not lollygagging around here.  I just feel so…..inadequate.  Like I should BE there by now.  But one thing I keep reading everywhere it that every writer’s journey is different.  Some get lucky.  Some actually have more time to devote to it, and thus progress faster than me.  Others struggle.  I think I’m in the middle.  I know I’ve improved alot over the last 6 or 7 years, and I struggle with tendonitis on occasion, which makes high wordcounts impossible.  My progress is more slow and steady.  I might be slower, but my wrists don’t die and maybe I won’t need to pull out the Dragon again. 

Furthermore, I have other things as well — full time job, chronic illness, a husband.  A family.  Relaxation (what’s that?) or reading time.  I’ve learned that even I need breaks occasionally.  Even I need to back off, which has been tough with Pirouette because my every instinct is screaming at me to get back to it, fix it, polish it, get it out the door, and I know that it needs time to gel more.  I’ve got a ton of ideas, and they’re all documented.  Notecards are in progress.  I’m constantly thinking about it.  But it needs time.  And that’s time I wish I could be querying it, but as I’ve said before, it’s not flippin’ ready yet.  And that’s the biggest bug in my butt here.  I can’t send out an inferior, crap manuscript.  Can’t do that.  So I gotta cool my heels and wait till I can make it better.  Sometimes I just wish I could work faster.  But it is what it is.

I’m still hoping to make my one HUGE goal of submitting something this year.  Will probably be Alpha Female, which is going okay, except that the story got away from me and may no longer fit with the antho I was looking to submit it to.  Oh well.  It’s one of my rules: I go where the story takes me, even if I outlined it a certain way or had a different idea in the beginning.  I can submit it elsewhere if need be, so this isn’t wasted time.  And I’m getting good practice on writing on a deadline. 

This whole go where the story takes me thing is how Hereafter went from comedy to friggin dark fantasy and how Survivor turned into a rich, complex story about several key characters versus the few I wanted to focus on.  It’s how Pirouette went from practically fanfic (and no, I’m not proud of it at all, but it did start the whole thing in motion…gulp..5 years ago) to its own world and own characters and its own plot and worldbuilding and such.  But if I hadn’t followed the story for the 11 months it took to write that critical first draft, Pirouette would not exist as it is today.  I’m positive about that one.  So, Alpha Female changed a bit.  I like the changes.  I think they are strengthening the story.  I’ll make a ruling after I’m done with the first draft whether or not I’m going to try to revise it to the antho specs, or just revise/polish it and send it elsewhere.

So I haven’t been sitting on my butt moaning my fate.  I’ve been productive.  I just need perspective, you know?  I need to believe, now more than ever, that I can succeed at this.  It’s been my dream since I was a little girl.  It’s what I am.  And I want so desparately to get my stuff out there, and maybe make a living doing it.  Just got to wait my turn.

Reassessing and making decisions.

Whilst on vacation, I did alot of thinking and brainstorming and figuring.  I did a bit of writing and a bit of revision, but mostly kept things open because it was vacation.  Luckily, the Inner Slave Driver was actually in agreement with me this time.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to work on one book at a time.  Working on three wasn’t difficult, but it was cutting into the time I could be working on Pirouette (we’re back to Pirouette now, no third draft or 1.0).  While it was good to take a break, I’m now starting to feel the urge again.

Considered doing another rewrite for the sheer amount of stuff that needs to be changed or fixed.  A lot of people I asked about it strongly suggested against not doing a rewrite because I should learn how to revise.  Flamebound is the first novel/novella I’ve attempted to revise since a failed attempt in 2004ish.  Unfortunately, with the amount of work I still have yet to do on Flamebound (before even making the changes and such), it won’t be ready by the end of the year.  I just can’t see it happening. 

With Broken, that can be done whenever.  I have no set deadline or timeframe.  When I can, I will continue work on it.

However, my one big goal was to get something out THIS YEAR.  With the year half gone, I need to get moving.  And I feel the urge with Pirouette.  I’m using a mix of methods for this.  Some HTRYN methods and some of my own.  Also Holly Lisle’s One Pass Revision methods. Going to be notecarding soon, to figure out how the scenes are working (or not working).  I need to get a handle on Alisia and Lucien’s relationship arc.  Also Raelan’s (the villain).  I may go through them separately and then string it all back to together once it’s good.  I’ll be rewriting some things.  Refiguring others.  I’m also going through every single crit I got and making notes.  I thought I’d remember and I didn’t remember alot of it (this is from last year on the 2nd draft).  Some things I fixed in the 3d draft, but there’s still alot that’s messed up.  I’m also going to be doing some Tarot readings and some journal entries in Alisia’s voice.  I might write some in longhand.  Basically, I’m using a bunch of things that I think will help.  And I want to get through this rather quickly (not crappy, mind you, just quickly) so I can get it to my critiquers. 

I hope this will be it (ha, I said that last time) and I can move forward.  My idea is to get it to be the best it can be, using all of the things I’ve learned and using my critters’ insight.  I’m hoping I can nail it, or at least come close, this go-around.

I made a discovery while reading one of my critter’s notes.  The 2nd draft sucked.  Yeah, it had its good points, but most of it was awful.  Granted, I wrote it in 2007 almost completely with voice recognition software (and, despite my fearsome editing skills, I still missed a ton of mis-recognitions 😦  ) and well….I’ve gotten better over the past 3 years.  I think I can do a better job.

But I believe in the story.  I wouldn’t be working myself into a tizzy if I didn’t.  Sure, I could move on, but regardless if this book gets published, I need to learn to revise/edit.  Although I might be one of those writers that just does multiple drafts.  Hopefully, I’ll get a clue.  Meantime, I’ll be plugging away at Pirouette.  It needs to shine.

Writing theme songs

All of my projects have at least one theme song attached to them, be it the whole book or an aspect of it.  I thought it might be interesting to list what they are and why.

Pirouette – all drafts (3rd draft in progress now):
 “Space Dye Vest” by Dream Theater.  I used this as Alisia and Lucien’s main “fighting” song.  It’s sad and torturous, and it brings up all kinds of heart-wrenching images in my head.  It just seemed perfect.

“Walk in the Shadows” by Queensryche – Raelan and Alisia’s theme.  In the last third of the book, [something spoilery happens] and for a time, Alisia and Raelan (who’s the villain) are….aligned.  This song, which talks about walking on the dark side of life, giving ino the darkness, fits the feeling of those scenes perfectly.

“The Killing Words” by Queensryche – Alisia and Lucien’s theme.  Just screams tragic, love, betrayal, heartbreaking stuff.  Sniff.

Flamebound (currently in revision):
“Take Hold of the Flame” by Queensryche.  The entire story is based on the song — or rather, my interpretation of it.  So many things tie to the world and story.

Survivor (recently finished first draft):
Operation: Mindcrime by Queensryche.  Yes, the entire album.  The book pretty much wrote itself to this awesome, magnificent album.  Since alot of the themes ran parallel to my story, it was almost eerie how the entire thing seemed like a metaphor for Survivor.  Some of it, like the brainwashing and mind control, were literal.

“Eyes of a Stranger” by Queensryche (on Operation:Mindcrime) – Amber’s theme.  Amber is the main character, and as she goes through some painful, traumatic stuff, she’s kind of transformed….and thus truly has the “eyes of a stranger.”

Requiem in Blue (2007 project)
“The Hands” by Queensryche – Meredith’s theme.  Meredith, the main character, is saved by someone.  “The Hands” makes me think of that, and salvation in general.

“Suite Sister Mary” by Queensryche – Some of the story was inspired by this song.  Especially one part about two people joining together to “make it through the night.”

Broken (currently in progress):
“Broken” by Lifehouse.  Also the why of the title, at least for now.  The song talks about being broken, and Amara, the main character, and the antagonist are both broken in a sense.

“Unbreakable” by Fireflight.  New band that I just discovered.  Totally Amara’s theme.  I realize that the songs seem contradictory, but it works, I swear!

Eowyn (perc’ing project for future):
“Ordinary World” by Duran Duran.  Theme of the book.  Because we’re dealing with quantum mechanics and alternate universes, and a “home” universe, it seems appropriate.

MindBound (future project):
“Lightning Field” by the Sneaker Pimps.  I saw a video of it and HAD to have the song, even though I’m not into that type of music.  Went on a wild goose chase and finally just today got ahold of it.  It’s THAT close to what this story is to me.  It (the story) has to do with an empath and pain and brainwashing, and the song is so perfect.  First words are “Strike me down…”  Can we say perfect?  Literal or figurative, it works. 

Soulfire (The Nano That Never Was):
“Lady Strange by Def Leppard.  Liana’s theme.  She’s the main character, and she isn’t exactly human and has non-human goals and wishes and such.  She’s a bit offbeat in her own way.

“Baba O’Riley” by The Who.  Book’s theme.  Completely encapsulates the dystopic future-Earth setting and the insidious reach of the New Regime.

Hereafter (Nano ’08):
“Women” by Def Leppard.  For no other reason than it gave me some compelling images inside my head, and somehow spawned plotty things.  This one I don’t really understand, but don’t question it, either.

At the moment, that’s all I can think of.  Will add more if I remember anything.

Slow progress.

Making very slow progress on Pirouette the Third.  I’ve been ripping it apart, deleting scenes or condensing them, and rewriting others.  I’ve got it down to 117k which is really cool.

I’m focusing on Alisia and Lucien’s relationship arc, as well as the subplot.  I realized that I may not have been as brutal as I should have been when I did the One Pass Revision.  I also found out some big flaws (thanks to my critiquers) that needed fixing.  But that’s okay, because I want it to be stronger, and it will be when I’m done.

I like what I’m getting.

Although sometimes it feels like I’m juggling three balls.

As for Soulfire, got a tentative plot in mind and things are starting to gel.  I’m very happy about that.  I have a possible first line, and the theme song.  And a 73-song playlist.  The theme song is Baba O’Riley by The Who.  I realized that it could be a metaphor for the future dystopic Earth I’m creating.  That really made my day.

Nanowrimo in 19 days.  I can’t wait.

Also did a major overhaul on my website yet again.  This version is simpler and cleaner, and I love it.  Check it out at http://www.erinkendall.com.  Most of the links aren’t live yet, however.  The Writer link is.

And lastly, I’m beginning to have problems with my wrist again.  So it looks like I’ll be voice reccing Nano again.  Was hoping to avoid that, but hey, I’m glad it’s possible.  I still have a good chance of getting 50k that way.

So that’s what’s going on. 

Nineteen. Days.

Requiem is *gasp* plotted. And, more ideas.

Ok, maybe not plotted exactly, but I had a cool new idea for the beginning that made more sense to me.  I started out with the characters in their natural environment.  Which is fine.  But at that time I had really no real direction.  I just started writing, and kept writing, up until now.

Today I did a little bit of a rethink on it.  Who were the real villains?  What’s the true nature of their situation?  Could they be totally mind-controlled to the point where they have no memory whatsoever of their experiences as Sentinels?  Who are they outside of the Globe?

And so on.

So, now I have a clearer direction, and some answers to those questions.  I wrote out as much as I could, in broad strokes — I’m saving the details for my muse.  It’s pretty much the same as before, with a few slight changes.  Nothing that requires any real rewriting.  I will, however, attempt to write that crucial first scene tonight.

It feels right, you know?  Like perhaps my muse has been keeping this from me, but has been throwing me hints all along.  And I finally got it, but it feels as if I knew this all along.  Pretty cool, this muse stuff.

So that’s the lowdown on Requiem.  Very excited.

I also want to drop off a few miscellaneous thoughts on What Lies Beneath, one of my more active plot bunnies.    While perusing the MSN Peculiar Postings today (I regularly mine them for story ideas), I found one article about someone who’d drowned trying to retrieve something from the river –I can’t really remember the deets.  But, naturally, this took my mind in some dangerously twisted directions.  Drowning.  Pominently figured.  Maybe even as the main conflict.  Drowning someone, or someones.  Yeah, I like that.

Second — a man who’d dug his own “underground bunker” in which he’s been living in for 6 years.  So, we have an underground living area, a small one, and we’ll just say for excitement sake, underwater.  Hmmmm.  I can hear the wheels turning….

Here’s where I am applying what I read in Holly Lisle’s Create a Plot Clinic.  There’s a section in there about taking stuff that strikes you — photographs, newspaper articles, etc, and using them in your plots.  I was going to do this with my Cosmo magazines, but I was derailed by the peculiar postings.  I’ve found alot of cool stuff in there.  Anyhoo, these two ideas are nebulous, but I’ll put the muse to work on them.  Maybe they will turn out to be really cool.

Let’s hear it for cooperative muses! Or, the power of cards.

*cheerleader pom-poms waving around*

 My muse and I have been at a stalemate for the past few days.  She’s been giving me some awesome ideas, but whenever I tried to get more detail, she’d stonewall me.  Yesterday she showed me an awesome, kick-ass of a prologue and yet she refused to tell me the specifics on the magic –and I needed that to write the scene.  *Dr. Evil voice* “Throw me a bone, will ya?  I’m the boss.  Need the info.” (I love that line).

Yeah.  So today, after much musing (heh) over this particular bump in the road, I pulled up Holly Lisle’s Create a Plot Clinic.  I needed more scenes — I had a few in mind already — so I figured now would be a great time to try for both.  I used a tool in there that involves using Tarot cards (or any type of picture-oriented cards, for the non-Tarot folks out there) to help communicate with your muse — in images, not words.  So I followed the excercise.  It’s basically taking your character and asking questions, using the cards as prompts for brainstorming.  I’ve done this in the past, but using Tarot meanings, and my own meanings from over 10 years of reading the cards.  But, I have never used the images themselves to do this.

And being the eccentric chick I am, I tried a hard question.  Instead of using a troublesome character, I used the demons’ magic system as the troublesome character (hell, I’ve used the plot itself as the focus in the past…with good results), just to see where that would take me.

Using the Rohrig Tarot, a beautiful, very abstract yet dark deck (that immediately screamed pick me! pick me! when I thought about which of my 30+ decks to use…), I did the reading, except I virtually ignored the Tarot meanings, as instructed, which was tough, which is what Holly said.  You can take the reader out of Tarot, but you can’t take the Tarot out of the reader……

So now, thanks to Holly Lisle, I have a very good idea about the magic system.  I’ve found out that it involves use of a special magically-infused object, handed down through generations, and that the mind of the victim is virtually obliterated…..with images hitting them like raindrops.  The muse says that this is REALLY important, and I’m not clear on precisely how, but I trust her on this one.

I learned other things too, but that would be spoiling things.  All I gotta say is….poor Alisia.  I put her through the wringer in Pirouette 1.0, but this — this is almost akin to death.  It’s not, not by a long shot — she won’t die (so, Chris, if you’re reading this — it’s ok, I promise) , but it will involve a very magical, very messy death of sorts. 

But man.  What a story.  I think it is finally coming together. 🙂  All from a few questions and a Tarot deck.  Trust me, this book of Holly’s really works.  I command thee to go forth and buy it.  Immediately.  You won’t be disappointed.

In other news…I’ve moved the start date for the Rewrite of Doom to July 1st.  Mainly because I have a few other projects competing for attention (*cough indexing cough* *cough darkroom cough*) and I want to give myself as long as I need to do all the necessary pre-work.  I want this draft to be as smooth as possible — no tangents, no weird shit, just what’s in the outline.  I will allow myself time to meander — I have to or else I’ll get stir-crazy — but — I will consider these meanderings more carefully then I did before.  I will not write another 400k draft.  I’m capping it at 120k, which is a bit too long, but still acceptable.  Writing 1k a day will take me approximately 4 months.  I haven’t written any first draft material in forever.  I am getting twitchy, so this week I might take some time and tackle either Survivor or Requiem in Blue. 

Not much else going on, except that I took some kick-ass pics of my sister’s flowers in her backyard with my new camera.  I’m ecstatic.

Now, it is time for bed.  Me tired.

On magic.

Yeah.  Magic.

So what have I been up to lately?  Thinking.  Alot.  About. Pirouette.  I have a lot of the kinks worked out, and the muse is actually cooperating (go Muse!) so I actually have something to show for 2-3 days of no writing and thinking.  Let’s hear it for deep thinking.

Okay, all silliness aside, I think I’ve got it figured out.  Got a new type of demon, a Big Bad Demon, who’s hell-bent (no pun intended) on ruling the world.  Well, at least the alternate world where the otherworldly folks live.  And maybe ours, too.

I have a neat twist, which I’m not divulging, and a neat climax.  As with all of my books, it’s subject to change and prolly will.   I also have a few themes figured out, too: Love redeems, and Alisia’s personal theme: silencing the ghosts.  But what she silences and how are two very different things.  😉

What else?  Worked on the Plot of Doom after lunch.  Missed a few things, but got the bones.  Just need the meat.  Lots of it.  Will be going back to Create a Plot Clinic to see what the muse has for me. 

And the magic rules….are coming together.  It’s always been said that you need to have limits and consequences for your magic, that it’s not just a fancy plot device.  I was guilty of that a bit in Pirouette 1.0.  Now, I’m giving my folks limits.  Some of the magic has limits built in, but what about the new magic?  It needs limits, and it should be affected by death magic, as it involves the death of ….something.  Not tellin.’  😉  And overflow.  Yes, in my world, you can have too much magic.  Or not enough.  This is alot of fun.  It’s going to create a richer world I think, and nice conflict, especially when magic-things go wrong.

Yes.

I’m happy.  I’m always happiest when I’m weaving words, inhabiting my world for a short time.  It makes life so much more than what it is…..I have this world of my own.  And it rocks.  And I love Alisia and Lucien.  They’re my supercouple.  Kind of like Terry Goodkind’s Richard and Kahlan (now there’s an awesome couple, because their love endures EVERYTHING imaginable — if I can do something remotely like this, I’d be delighted).  Goodkind rocks.  He actually inspired me to start writing fantasy and weaving fantasy elements into my horror/vamp books.  Darkweaver is the result of those attempts.

Anyhoo, I’m off to go weave some more.  Also I have another blog, a “virtual notebook” as it were.  It’s primarily private, but I will post things there publically from time to time.  Mostly plot stuff, language stuff, worldbuilding…..just so it’s in one place and somewhere besides on my hard drive or scribbled on paper.  I’m paranoid that way.  Anyhoo, check in from time to time, you might find something cool.

 It’s called Flogging the Muse.  How appropriate, huh? 

…and an update.

Didn’t wanna mix these two, so here’s my second post.   The worldbuilding is coming along swimmingly.  Sometimes it feels like I’m swimming upstream, but it’s happening.  I’m still changing things around.  Finally settled on a mark of the Goddess Morrighan (the celtic goddess of war and fury) which, I shit you not, I actually drew myself.  Being that my drawing skills are practically nil, I’m proud of that.  It’s basically a scythe (Grim Reaper style, except reduced to one continuous line with no detail) intersected by half a moon.  Because Alisia has death magic, and it’s governed by the moon….it seemed logical.

Now I’m working on the villian’s magic.  I’ve changed his magic so many times, it’s ridiculous.  Nothing seemed right, you know?  So I keep trying to hit upon that special thing that gives me chills.  Today it’s souls.  Tomorrow, it might be different.  I like the soul thing though so I will be exploring that further.

This weekend there’s an edit marathon at Forward Motion, so I’ll be doing some editing.  Yay.

And lastly, an old project reared its head today. I was idly going through my Palm doc files, and ran across my first Nano ever, and my first finished novel, The Sacrifice.  My, that draft sucked, but I took part of it and made it Darkweaver.  And the rest is now what is known as Surrender.  It was in the writing queue before Pirouette took over, but it sorta fell by the wayside.  Sacrifice has undergone many changes, including my first attempt at dark fantasy, Eternal Dance.  Brilliant, I think.  😉  Anyhoo, I am now officially itching to work on that project again.  Who knows when though!  I’m “booked” till the end of the year.  But it will go in the plotbunny file, and maybe I can resurrect it in time.  Some cool worldbuilding elements came to me so I will probably poke at it from time to time.  But….it must stay on the side.  Waaaaaay off.  Cuz you know, I got three others that are patiently waiting for their turn in the spotlight……

Reconstructing Pirouette.

I’ve been working feverishly on Pirouette, and managed to plot about 1/3 of the Rewrite before I hit a wall. 

There were some failings in my plot –specifically, the villian’s motivations and conflict.  Yeah.  Trust me, you can miss something like this.  Hell, I missed it for the whole 400k manuscript!  Well, actually it was okay — just a Big Fat Cliche.  Which is death.

So what does the Weaver do?  She weaves.  A lot.  I sat down and went over the conflicts and my own goals for the book and re-did alot of things.  No more love/attraction for the sake of it.  No, no, no.  Must have a Really Good Reason for it –note the capitals –or else it goes bye-bye.

So that part went.  I’m also considering redoing the social structure of my vampires.  Not the hierarchy because I love that, but just….making some changes. 

Mythology — redone.  Again.  I like this one better.  For one, it gives my vamps and Fae an actual common source and legend; two, it satisfies my need for balance; and three, it provides –at least as far as I can see — motivation for the current wars.  Yes, that’s a plural.  There are 2 wars in this book. 

I’m not sure how any of this is going to fly, as I have few people to toss ideas around with.  I personally think it borders on near-brilliance, but I have thought that before, only to have that stomped on (it’s okay, it’s all part of the deal). 

I would love to say more about this, but I am very paranoid when I’m in the beginning stages of a project.  I’m afraid that if I say too much, it will just burst into a million pieces.  Or I’ll get plagerized. 😦    Yeah, it’s a cruel world out there, and frankly, I have put too much work into this project to see it copied.  Or bastardized.  Or somesuch thing.

But.  I think this is it for the main changes, anyways.  *sighs in relief*

Off to drool over watch House.  He’s my hero.  😉