In My Dreams With You

“In My Dreams With You” by Steve Vai is becoming Natasha and Luke’s theme in Alpha Female.  When I started it, it was one of the songs that I continuously played.  Along the way, I sort of moved away from it.  But today, once I painted myself into a corner with the plot, I put it back on and bam! It started working.  Beautifully, in fact.

Part of the reason, I believe, is this song’s personal significance to me.  Let’s just say that I have some pleasant memories associated with it, and I believe they helped fuel the process.  I find it fascinating that as a writer,  feelings evoked by a specific song and channeling that onto the page (or, the screen) is a really cool thing to be able to do.  I remember Holly Lisle saying something about using parts of yourself and your life (very little, not everything) in your fiction would make it more real to the reader.  But oftentimes, I as a writer need it to feel real to me.  And I think attaching a significant song to it made it more real, at least in my mind, enough so that I could write the scene fairly well.  It’s an interesting thing.

This is why I almost always have some type of theme song for characters, worlds, and books.  Alpha Femle reminds me a bit of Flamebound, because the music is influencing the plot in unexpected ways.  Queensryche’s “No Sanctuary” inspired an actual part of the world of Flamebound, and “Take Hold of the Flame” (also by Queensryche) inspired the entire thing.  And it’s both songs that drove the plot, drove the characters.  Music is very, very good for me and my muse.

So, that was a good writing session.  1,439 words, almost double my quota.  I’d had a migraine since last night that finally went away, and lamented to the beloved that I was out of the mindset because I’d skipped last night’s writing.  And it was a bit difficult at first, but Iron Maiden, believe it or not, got me through that part.

So I’m on my way.  My next task is to do a Tarot reading to generate a few plot twists.

Re-re-rewrite

Yeppers.  I was at about 18k on Alpha Female and it all fell apart.  I determined that the new direction I’d taken (which I believed was awesome at the time) was the wrong direction because it became a painful slog.  It didn’t feel right.  So, I decided to rewrite it from almost-scratch.  I have a few scenes I can salvage, but most of it is useless.

However, I believe that’s part of my process.  Write alot, get a feel for the story, then possibly rewrite/revise/whatever to bring the entire thing up to snuff.  Some might say that it’s horribly ineffecient, and a waste of time, but I say no.  Without that initial 18k, the story as it is becoming right now would not exist.  Ideas flow from ideas.  Maybe it wasn’t the right idea, but something triggered what came next.  If I were to take out the 18k completely out of the equation, I’d be back where I started without this better understanding of things.

The sucky part, though, is starting over.  I’m at just under 3k.  I’m now 3 weeks behind essentially, and will only have 1 month to revise versus two.  But, hey, if the story’s not right, why beat a dead horse?  Worse case, if I can’t make the deadline, I’ll submit it to their regular submissions or elsewhere.  Best case, I’ll be able to submit a story I’m proud of.  Either way I win because I’m learning how to write to a deadline.

That said, I was having major problems getting into the mindset, and problems getting the words down.  I kept writing and rewriting stuff, and deleting stuff……I know this is the right path because I feel good about it, but my muse just wasn’t on board.  Could be that on the whole I’m still feeling inadequate as a writer, and I keep telling myself otherwise….and music, which always helps, didn’t do a thing for me.  Nada.  And that never happens.

As for the Pirouette notecards, no new work for the past few days.  Not enough time, not enough energy.  I need to make the time though.  It’s important, too.

Hopefully Ill have better news in the future.

Progress?

Lately I’ve been well…..wangsting over my lack of publication.  Stupid, I know, right?  The Inner Slave Driver seems to feel that I’m not working fast enough.  18k so far on Alpha Female + 70 or so notecards done for Pirouette in one month?  That’s slow?  As Alisia would say, mercy me.

Okay, so I’m just a wee bit impatient.  I’m very competitive, and when I hear about writers being successful, I always feel a little sick inside.  The whole, well, why the hell aren’t you there yet? Huh? routine.  And I’d like to make it clear that I am happy for those lucky writers–I’m sure they worked hard for it — and feel no ill will against them.  However, it always shines the spotlight on what I haven’t done.  And that just blows.

And I’ve been working hard, not lollygagging around here.  I just feel so…..inadequate.  Like I should BE there by now.  But one thing I keep reading everywhere it that every writer’s journey is different.  Some get lucky.  Some actually have more time to devote to it, and thus progress faster than me.  Others struggle.  I think I’m in the middle.  I know I’ve improved alot over the last 6 or 7 years, and I struggle with tendonitis on occasion, which makes high wordcounts impossible.  My progress is more slow and steady.  I might be slower, but my wrists don’t die and maybe I won’t need to pull out the Dragon again. 

Furthermore, I have other things as well — full time job, chronic illness, a husband.  A family.  Relaxation (what’s that?) or reading time.  I’ve learned that even I need breaks occasionally.  Even I need to back off, which has been tough with Pirouette because my every instinct is screaming at me to get back to it, fix it, polish it, get it out the door, and I know that it needs time to gel more.  I’ve got a ton of ideas, and they’re all documented.  Notecards are in progress.  I’m constantly thinking about it.  But it needs time.  And that’s time I wish I could be querying it, but as I’ve said before, it’s not flippin’ ready yet.  And that’s the biggest bug in my butt here.  I can’t send out an inferior, crap manuscript.  Can’t do that.  So I gotta cool my heels and wait till I can make it better.  Sometimes I just wish I could work faster.  But it is what it is.

I’m still hoping to make my one HUGE goal of submitting something this year.  Will probably be Alpha Female, which is going okay, except that the story got away from me and may no longer fit with the antho I was looking to submit it to.  Oh well.  It’s one of my rules: I go where the story takes me, even if I outlined it a certain way or had a different idea in the beginning.  I can submit it elsewhere if need be, so this isn’t wasted time.  And I’m getting good practice on writing on a deadline. 

This whole go where the story takes me thing is how Hereafter went from comedy to friggin dark fantasy and how Survivor turned into a rich, complex story about several key characters versus the few I wanted to focus on.  It’s how Pirouette went from practically fanfic (and no, I’m not proud of it at all, but it did start the whole thing in motion…gulp..5 years ago) to its own world and own characters and its own plot and worldbuilding and such.  But if I hadn’t followed the story for the 11 months it took to write that critical first draft, Pirouette would not exist as it is today.  I’m positive about that one.  So, Alpha Female changed a bit.  I like the changes.  I think they are strengthening the story.  I’ll make a ruling after I’m done with the first draft whether or not I’m going to try to revise it to the antho specs, or just revise/polish it and send it elsewhere.

So I haven’t been sitting on my butt moaning my fate.  I’ve been productive.  I just need perspective, you know?  I need to believe, now more than ever, that I can succeed at this.  It’s been my dream since I was a little girl.  It’s what I am.  And I want so desparately to get my stuff out there, and maybe make a living doing it.  Just got to wait my turn.

Notecards!

So I’ve begun the notecarding process on Pirouette.  I’m on scene 43, page 230 of a 771-page document.  Yikers.  I’m already seeing some stuff that needs fixing, tweaking, and changing.  I’m using Holly Lisle’s HTRYN notecarding for this so I can get a handle on each scene.  There are a few that I’m cutting, and quite a few so far that need help.  I knew this would help me a great deal, so this will all be worth it.

I’ve done a rough draft of the timelines and Alisia and Lucien’s and Raelan’s (the villain) arcs.  Note I say rough draft.  These should help me with getting the timing and pacing down.

This is kind of exciting and terrifying at the same time.  I’m revising a novel.  A novel that I’ve been working on for 5 years.  And I’m learning alot of new, helpful things.  It’s a process.  I can’t wait to dig in and do more, make the book better. 

On Alpha Female, I’m up to 11k and there’s a chance it might run long (no kidding, with the way I write) but I’ve been able to keep the plot tight.  As for the plot, it’s pantsing all the way for me.  Last night – or the night before, I don’t remember — I couldn’t get to sleep right away so I brainstormed.  Been doing alot of that.  My hope is that it still fits the anthology theme.  If it doesn’t, it’s not a big deal.  I can submit it elsewhere.  But it would be good to submit it to the place I originally wanted to submit it to, right?

So lots going on, although my Inner Slave Driver seems to think I’m going to slow…..

10k

I’ve reached 10k on Alpha Female, and things are starting to get complicated for poor Natasha.   I have a hunt coming and some fun magical stuff.

Still on track to finish on time.

I also have an idea for another series set in the Pirouette world.  So stay tuned.

6220 words!

So far, that’s where I’m at on Alpha Female as of today.  I’ve kept to my schedule so far, skipping only one day and I’m actually ahead of myself, so that’s good.  Story-wise, I’m at the first main conflict.  I’m not sure about my pacing, but I’ll worry about that later.

It’s captivating me.  Natasha becoming a werewolf not by her choice is going to really screw with her mind.  And Luke…poor Luke.  He needs her in so many ways.  They will work for their HEA for sure.

On tap this weekend is some Pirouette prework.  I haven’t forgotten!

Alpha Female.

That’s the working title of the novella I’m going to write for possible inclusion in an anthology.  Deadline is Nov 1st.  I think I have enough time to do this, and it’ll give me some practice working on a deadline.

Alpha Female is set in the Pirouette world.  It’s about a Faerie assassin turned werewolf.  The protagonist, Natasha, was a character that showed up in draft 2.  She totally intrigued me, so much that when I took her out, I continued to wonder what she’d be like as a protagonist, and what her story is.  So far, it’s coming along.  I’ve given myself a starting date of August 1st.  Thing is, I’m not sure if I should pants this or not.  Typically first drafts take longer this way and need pruning.  I have just the inciting incident.  Nothing in the way of an actual plot.  Going to try to get something rough figured out, so I at least know what I’m aiming for.  Needs to be simple, as the wordcount limit is 25k.  I’ve given myself a month to write the first draft, and the rest of the time will be for critting and revision/rewrites.  Kind of tight, but we’ll see how it goes.  It’ll be interesting.

In between I’ll be working on Pirouette’s revision.  Can’t let that languish.  Still want to get it out this year.

Reassessing and making decisions.

Whilst on vacation, I did alot of thinking and brainstorming and figuring.  I did a bit of writing and a bit of revision, but mostly kept things open because it was vacation.  Luckily, the Inner Slave Driver was actually in agreement with me this time.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to work on one book at a time.  Working on three wasn’t difficult, but it was cutting into the time I could be working on Pirouette (we’re back to Pirouette now, no third draft or 1.0).  While it was good to take a break, I’m now starting to feel the urge again.

Considered doing another rewrite for the sheer amount of stuff that needs to be changed or fixed.  A lot of people I asked about it strongly suggested against not doing a rewrite because I should learn how to revise.  Flamebound is the first novel/novella I’ve attempted to revise since a failed attempt in 2004ish.  Unfortunately, with the amount of work I still have yet to do on Flamebound (before even making the changes and such), it won’t be ready by the end of the year.  I just can’t see it happening. 

With Broken, that can be done whenever.  I have no set deadline or timeframe.  When I can, I will continue work on it.

However, my one big goal was to get something out THIS YEAR.  With the year half gone, I need to get moving.  And I feel the urge with Pirouette.  I’m using a mix of methods for this.  Some HTRYN methods and some of my own.  Also Holly Lisle’s One Pass Revision methods. Going to be notecarding soon, to figure out how the scenes are working (or not working).  I need to get a handle on Alisia and Lucien’s relationship arc.  Also Raelan’s (the villain).  I may go through them separately and then string it all back to together once it’s good.  I’ll be rewriting some things.  Refiguring others.  I’m also going through every single crit I got and making notes.  I thought I’d remember and I didn’t remember alot of it (this is from last year on the 2nd draft).  Some things I fixed in the 3d draft, but there’s still alot that’s messed up.  I’m also going to be doing some Tarot readings and some journal entries in Alisia’s voice.  I might write some in longhand.  Basically, I’m using a bunch of things that I think will help.  And I want to get through this rather quickly (not crappy, mind you, just quickly) so I can get it to my critiquers. 

I hope this will be it (ha, I said that last time) and I can move forward.  My idea is to get it to be the best it can be, using all of the things I’ve learned and using my critters’ insight.  I’m hoping I can nail it, or at least come close, this go-around.

I made a discovery while reading one of my critter’s notes.  The 2nd draft sucked.  Yeah, it had its good points, but most of it was awful.  Granted, I wrote it in 2007 almost completely with voice recognition software (and, despite my fearsome editing skills, I still missed a ton of mis-recognitions 😦  ) and well….I’ve gotten better over the past 3 years.  I think I can do a better job.

But I believe in the story.  I wouldn’t be working myself into a tizzy if I didn’t.  Sure, I could move on, but regardless if this book gets published, I need to learn to revise/edit.  Although I might be one of those writers that just does multiple drafts.  Hopefully, I’ll get a clue.  Meantime, I’ll be plugging away at Pirouette.  It needs to shine.

Where art thou, Alisia?

Even though my muse was totally against returning to Pirouette the Third this soon (she says she’s not ready yet), I wrote a rough scene that may become the new opening scene.  It does everything I need it to, sets up what she’s doing, and  (I hope) doesn’t infodump alot but contains little hooks. 

But one essential thing was barely there: Alisia’s kick-ass voice.  This is the one thing that I always got compliments on (well, barring one) and I feel it’s one of the strongest parts of the book.  Alisia is the mistress of snark.  She’s prickly and outspoken and sarcastic.  And so much fun to write.  Draft 1 was such a joy to write, because she was so there on the page and it really came through.  Second draft, still there mostly.  Third, yeah.  This scenelet?  Barely there.  What the heck happened?

Too damned much distance.  It’s diluting her voice in my head, making it weaker.  I think it could be the sheer volume of stuff I’ve been working on, and typically, voices don’t merge at all.  Like, I could never write Amara the way I write Alisia, even if I’m doing both at once.  It just wouldn’t happen.  However, I suspect that being in another character’s head for an extended period (and this goes for Flamebound, too, as I’ve been reading the manuscript constantly for the revision) weakens the others’ voices.  With Amara, it’s not so bad.  But Alisia, who’s strong and needs to be bigger than life inside my head, it’s a bit of a problem.  Luckily, I can add all that in subsequent drafts, but dang.  I never believed that I ‘d ever have problems with Alisia.  But apparently, there’s a first time for everything.

I might need to write a journal entry or fictitious conversation just to bring myself up to speed.  My brain is weird sometimes.

I think 3 projects at once is about my limit.  They’re all different — one’s in revision, one’s in an edit of sorts, and the other is in draft — no confusion there, but apparently there is a limit to my brain’s abilities to handle all the stuff for each project.  And I seem to be going at snail’s pace, but that’s to be expected.

The plan for my vacay (in two weeks!) is to work on Broken mostly, but if the urge moves me, I might work on Pirouette the Third. Actually, I’m going to rename it Pirouette Tweaky Pass because it’s not a new draft and it’s not exactly an edit or revision.  I’m just tweaking stuff.  Anyhoo, I’ll work on that if I feel the urge, but it’s okay if I don’t.  The Inner Slave Driver isn’t happy with this arrangement, but as I said, my muse is firm on the whole “I’m not ready” thing for the Pirouette Tweaky Pass yet.  But hey, we’ll see.  Maybe she’ll surprise me.  Lots of surprises lately.

Writing theme songs

All of my projects have at least one theme song attached to them, be it the whole book or an aspect of it.  I thought it might be interesting to list what they are and why.

Pirouette – all drafts (3rd draft in progress now):
 “Space Dye Vest” by Dream Theater.  I used this as Alisia and Lucien’s main “fighting” song.  It’s sad and torturous, and it brings up all kinds of heart-wrenching images in my head.  It just seemed perfect.

“Walk in the Shadows” by Queensryche – Raelan and Alisia’s theme.  In the last third of the book, [something spoilery happens] and for a time, Alisia and Raelan (who’s the villain) are….aligned.  This song, which talks about walking on the dark side of life, giving ino the darkness, fits the feeling of those scenes perfectly.

“The Killing Words” by Queensryche – Alisia and Lucien’s theme.  Just screams tragic, love, betrayal, heartbreaking stuff.  Sniff.

Flamebound (currently in revision):
“Take Hold of the Flame” by Queensryche.  The entire story is based on the song — or rather, my interpretation of it.  So many things tie to the world and story.

Survivor (recently finished first draft):
Operation: Mindcrime by Queensryche.  Yes, the entire album.  The book pretty much wrote itself to this awesome, magnificent album.  Since alot of the themes ran parallel to my story, it was almost eerie how the entire thing seemed like a metaphor for Survivor.  Some of it, like the brainwashing and mind control, were literal.

“Eyes of a Stranger” by Queensryche (on Operation:Mindcrime) – Amber’s theme.  Amber is the main character, and as she goes through some painful, traumatic stuff, she’s kind of transformed….and thus truly has the “eyes of a stranger.”

Requiem in Blue (2007 project)
“The Hands” by Queensryche – Meredith’s theme.  Meredith, the main character, is saved by someone.  “The Hands” makes me think of that, and salvation in general.

“Suite Sister Mary” by Queensryche – Some of the story was inspired by this song.  Especially one part about two people joining together to “make it through the night.”

Broken (currently in progress):
“Broken” by Lifehouse.  Also the why of the title, at least for now.  The song talks about being broken, and Amara, the main character, and the antagonist are both broken in a sense.

“Unbreakable” by Fireflight.  New band that I just discovered.  Totally Amara’s theme.  I realize that the songs seem contradictory, but it works, I swear!

Eowyn (perc’ing project for future):
“Ordinary World” by Duran Duran.  Theme of the book.  Because we’re dealing with quantum mechanics and alternate universes, and a “home” universe, it seems appropriate.

MindBound (future project):
“Lightning Field” by the Sneaker Pimps.  I saw a video of it and HAD to have the song, even though I’m not into that type of music.  Went on a wild goose chase and finally just today got ahold of it.  It’s THAT close to what this story is to me.  It (the story) has to do with an empath and pain and brainwashing, and the song is so perfect.  First words are “Strike me down…”  Can we say perfect?  Literal or figurative, it works. 

Soulfire (The Nano That Never Was):
“Lady Strange by Def Leppard.  Liana’s theme.  She’s the main character, and she isn’t exactly human and has non-human goals and wishes and such.  She’s a bit offbeat in her own way.

“Baba O’Riley” by The Who.  Book’s theme.  Completely encapsulates the dystopic future-Earth setting and the insidious reach of the New Regime.

Hereafter (Nano ’08):
“Women” by Def Leppard.  For no other reason than it gave me some compelling images inside my head, and somehow spawned plotty things.  This one I don’t really understand, but don’t question it, either.

At the moment, that’s all I can think of.  Will add more if I remember anything.