Epiphany.

Today I was ready to throw in the towel on Alpha Female — not for good, but for awhile.  I’ve been working on it for about 7 months, pretty much straight through with no real breaks except the week of my surgery.  I was just tired, and the last two days have been rough for me production-wise.  But I’m not a quitter and I realized: I want to finish this.  Sure, I could put it off or wallow in being stuck, but the fact remains: the novella won’t write itself.  The farther I go from it, the harder it will be to get back into and on track.

I realized this because I considered switching back to either Flamebound or Pirouette.  Flamebound especially — when I read over the HTRYN lesson I was currently working on (naturally, I couldn’t have yanno, finished it up) I felt like I was reading Greek.  I read a few of my notes on some changes and again, I’m like, whaaaat?!  And it seemed impossible at this time, so I decided to wait a bit longer.  With Pirouette, this is more of a planned wait because the plan is to come back to it refreshed and I’m almost there, but not quite. Sooooo that left Alpha Female.

And after my recent discoveries, I’m actually excited about it again.  Sure, I’m not sure what rabbit I’m going to pull out of my arse this time (moar questions, how I love thee!) but hey, slow progress is better than none.  One sentence at a time if I have to.  I’m doing this.  I won’t accept anything less.

So poor Natasha is going to have to fight Delia with a magic she doesn’t know and doesn’t understand, and she’s going to have to kill Delia, somehow, even though Delia has a witch on her side.  Obviously, Delia has to die.  There’s no other option there.  Going to think on that one.

But other than that, it’s been a pretty good day.  About 780 new words on Alpha Female after ripping the scene apart.  I’m moving the stuff I ripped out closer to the climax.  Will have more impact that way.

Stay tuned.

2010 in Review and 2011 goals

This year just flew by.  I don’t even know what happened to it.  It felt as if I were making no progess anywhere, but I did accomplish a few key things.  I also had to adjust my goals to accomodate Alpha Female, which wasn’t planned.  All in all, this was a pretty productive year.

What I accomplished:

~I finished the 3rd draft of Pirouette in May and am gearing up for the final revision (which is my #1 goal for 2011)
~I started the Flamebound revision using HTRYN.  Got to lesson 8 of 22.  Yeah, that was one of the things that got adjusted. 
~I wrote and rewrote and completed Alpha Female.  My original goal was to submit it to an anthology by the November 1st deadline.  After getting it back from a wonderful beta, I realized that it wasn’t going to work for the antho.  I decided to expand it, as most of the issues were due to trying to keep the wordcount within the limits (25k) and then decided to try to finish it up by the end of the year.  Which I pretty much did, if you don’t count the tweaks I’m currently working on.
~I started Broken and got it up to 12k.  Broken was a personal challenge to myself, as it’s got a bit of BDSM in it and I’d never written that before. It’s also a different genre for me. I am very pleased with how it’s going.
~I critiqued 3 novels for writer friends.  While this isn’t a huge thing, I made my deadlines for the most part and got the honor of reading some really good books.
~I joined up with a few writer friends and started Turtleduck Press, which is our publishing endeavor which will hopefully change the world, muhaaaa.
~I self-pubbed Life as a Moving Target through them, which has been a dream of mine since December 2002 when I wrote the very first poem in that collection.  After trying traditional publishing, I decided to go ahead and self-publish it.  I’ve gotten some great feedback so far.  And it’s so dear to my heart.
~I wrote approximately 100k this year.  Not bad considering I did mostly revising and editing.  Some writing, too.  I’m glad to have hit 100k.  It certainly didn’t feel like 100k.
~I wrote and rewrote my query letter for Pirouette.  I think I have it nailed.  We’ll see.

So, yep, not a bad year at all.

Goals for 2011:

~SUBMIT something.  This is HUGE.  This year was supposed to be the year for that, but I got a bit derailed.  I will submit something if it kills me.  Most likely either Alpha Female or Pirouette.
~Finish up Alpha Female and get it critted
~Do the final revision on Pirouette and get it to critters.
~Submit something!
~Continue Flamebound revision, hopefully finish (I see a rewrite in my future…)
~Finish Without Wings, my second poetry chapbook with Turtleduck Press, and get it to approvals by Feb. 1st.  This is a biggie because it still needs some work and time is ticking.
~Write (hopefully) Darkweaver.
~Work on Don’t Close Your Eyes, chapbook #3.
~Do not get derailed this time.  Stay to the goals.
~Get an agent

Will I accomplish all of that?  Perhaps.  But I will try for sure.  It feels like 2011 will be a good year.

NaNoRevNo days 3, 4, & 5

I kind of got busy so I haven’t been able to post my progress.  I worked on Pirouette’s notecards and finished adding the conflicts and such to the ones that have been written.  I just need to finish writing up the rest and adding conflicts to those.  Things are making sense, and I’m beginning to see where there’s weak conflict, no conflict, or (and this one’s a killer) no twist.  Every scene needs one.  So I have to give that some thought.  This twist/adding conflicts thing is part of HTRYN and so far, it’s really helping.

I’ve been working on Alpha Female as well.  I have some plotty things to consider before moving on.  But it’s coming along.  I feel optimistic that the draft is already much better.

The idea that I had to fix a problem?  Seems to be working so far.  I have no illusions that it’s going to be The Fix, but again, I’m feeling optimistic about it.  My idea is to try to nail everything in one go like Holly Lisle does.  Obviously, if I can’t, I won’t.  But with a project that’s smaller in scope, it might be doable.  And if I can, it will help me so much with Pirouette’s revision.  So, I think I’m doing pretty darned well so far.

Since I haven’t shared a snippet in forever, I’ll share one from Alpha Female.

Dropping Luke’s hands, I turned to Simone, acutely aware that I was frowning. “I’m not convinced that I am your Alpha Female – ”

“You don’t understand.” Simone’s eyes were warm and accepting, her face peaceful. “You smell of Pack. Only Pack smells of Pack. It follows that you’re our Alpha Female.”

Delia stood now, her mouth twisted in a grimace. “I for one will not allow a Fae to lead me. I don’t care if she smells like Pack and has one ounce of Lupi blood in her! This is unacceptable, Luke.” She put her hands on her hips, glaring at Luke as if she wanted him dead. Or was it me she wanted dead?

“Delia,” Luke said in a warning tone. “It’s not like I get to choose what race my Alpha Female is.”

Delia scowled in my direction. “She herself has denied it. So let it go.”

“It’s not that easy and you know it!” Luke was suddenly in Delia’s face. He’d moved so fast that I couldn’t track it. But he was there, his face red and his eyes flashing with suppressed rage. “You’re just pissed off because you’re not the one.”

I knew it! “Apparently his wolf likes me. Not you.” I bared my teeth in a smile that wasn’t genuine.

Delia grabbed Luke’s arm. “Did you see them? Or is this all just a ruse – “ She gasped, backing away from all of us, her face stricken. “It is you.” She recovered quickly, though. She charged at me, moving so fast she was a blur.

I drew both my daggers, ready to fight.

“I’m going to kill you. Slowly.” She held herself tall and regal, her elegant hands clenched in fists.

Suddenly there was a press of power, and Luke let out an inhuman growl. “You will do no such thing.” His eyes flashed amber; several people gasped. “Stand down, Delia. Or you won’t like the outcome.”

“Crap, Delia, he’s going to turn!” Simone grabbed Delia’s wrist, but Delia pulled away from her.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, my heart racing. I had a bad feeling about this.

The others moved into a loose semi-circle around me. The wolves growled.

“You don’t want to know,” Simone said evenly. She’d paled just a bit, and was that a tremor I saw in her fingers?

“Touch her and I will tear your throat out,” Derek said. “As Luke’s Second I order you to stand down.”

Delia threw a punch at me; I ducked. She stumbled, and it gave me the opportunity to grab her. I pressed my blade against her throat, drawing blood. “Do not mess with me. I’m Dark Covenant. I can and will kill you.”

Luke let out another growl. And then he spasmed, falling to the ground.

Chaos. The wolves surrounded him, a living wall. I couldn’t even see him. But the tension in the air was obvious. Something was really wrong.

“Stay back!” Ilene came through. “Luke, stay there. We’ll neutralize the threat.”

I stepped forward into the Circle. “What’s wrong with him? Why is he like that?” My eyes widened as he flailed about, his head thrashing from side-to-side and his hands clenched in fists.

Layla glanced at me, her eyes narrowed. “It’s the madness. Every Alpha Male goes through it.”

Delia shoved me away. I stumbled, almost falling, but not quite. “Let me help him.” Her words carried a strong command.

“If you’re his Alpha Female and not her,” Brandon spoke up from beside me, “then prove it. Tame him.”

Delia bit her lip. “I will tame him.” She shot me a dirty look. I fought not to go to work on her with my blade.

I watched as she knelt beside his now-shivering form. She took her hand in his and pressed her lips to his palm, slowly, reverently. She glanced at me again as if to say see? I’m the one.

 I wasn’t sure I believed it. He showed no signs of calming. In fact, he seemed to get more agitated –

Another spasm. His arms flew out, and Delia scrambled away to avoid being hit. She looked shaken.

“I can’t – can’t – do this – “ Luke grated out. He reached blindly for someone or something. “Help!”

I inched forward, but Delia shoved me back again.. She knelt by his side again and touched his face.

And he exploded.

His body flowed into fur and a muzzle, paws and a tail. His eyes burned bright amber. He wheeled on Delia, snapping his jaws.

“You might want to get away from him now,” Derek suggested. “He might actually eat you this time.”

NaNoRevMo day 1

I’ll admit it: most of today was spent reading (and finishing) Dreamfever by Karen Marie Moning.  If you haven’t read her Fever series, I implore you to do it NOW.  She’s that good.  So good that I put everything on hold to finish it in less than 2 days.

But I did manage to work on the Pirouette notecards.  I have some new ideas.  Just from writing down the conflicts and why the scene matters, which is an HTRYN thing.  I’m jumping around alot in the methods, sort of freeform, more or less to see what really helps really fast.  Might seem counterintuitive, especially to HTRYN folks, but so far it’s working.  Somehow forcing yourself to pick apart each scene brings everything that’s working — and not working — into focus.  I also have a few scenes that need to be changed due to decisions I made either mid-draft or after.  With the notecards, I’ve got all the information right there.

On the Alpha Female front, I’m a bit stuck.  I have this one plot issue that needs to be figured out before I can even consider moving on.  Been thinking about it but nada from the muse. 

So, score is as follows:

Pirouette = 1, Alpha Female = 0 Poetry= 1*

*Because I had an inkling of a good first line for a poem.  Not sure which chapbook it belongs to yet.

Also, the Turtleduck Press teaser site (which has some very cool things on it) is LIVE! Check it out! http://www.turtleduckpress.com .

Taking the plunge.

My dear friend made a comment on my last post that got me thinking.  Yes, perhaps I’m procrastinating unconsciously.  I don’t think it was conscious because I truly believed — and still do to some extent — that Pirouette wasn’t agent-ready.  Even now, there are some unfinished scenes, a scene in which a dead person returns to the living (and no, she’s not supposed to  — that’s called a continuity error), three scenes in a row do the exactly SAME thing, and a few other things that might make me look like an idiot.  Those have to be fixed.  However, I’ve issued myself a challenge: finish the book (as in agent-ready) and get it out by the 1st of the year.  Even though I’m not sure I can finish in time,  I’ve made the decision and I’m taking it seriously.  This is it. 

So, as soon as I finish Alpha Female and submit it, Pirouette is next.  Alpha Female is roughly a week from being done.  That’s the first draft/rewrite/whatever it is.  Still needs critters and still needs to be polished.  But I’m seeing this one through because 1) it’s a great opportunity and 2) I’m making a serious effort towards finishing what I start.  Which includes Pirouette.

I’ve never considered the possibility that I was procrastinating until my friend mentioned it.  All this time, I believed that the rewrites were crucial.  I still believe that.  But there is such a thing as going through rewrite after rewrite after rewrite.  This is why Holly Lisle does one big, overall revision on every book and then lets it go.  She’s able to do it in one fell swoop whereas I tried and it took 5 passes.  I’m still learning what works for me.  But I think I’m on the edge here, and it sucks because the longer I wait, the less chances I’ll have.  I’ve known this for a long time, but maybe part of me was scared of failure.  It’s crazy out there in publishing.  But unless I self-pub everything (which is not my goal), I’ve got to take the plunge.  I gotta see if I can do it.  If not Pirouette, then something else.  Lord knows I have a ton of ideas.

So that’s the plan for the rest of the year. Wish me luck.

In My Dreams With You

“In My Dreams With You” by Steve Vai is becoming Natasha and Luke’s theme in Alpha Female.  When I started it, it was one of the songs that I continuously played.  Along the way, I sort of moved away from it.  But today, once I painted myself into a corner with the plot, I put it back on and bam! It started working.  Beautifully, in fact.

Part of the reason, I believe, is this song’s personal significance to me.  Let’s just say that I have some pleasant memories associated with it, and I believe they helped fuel the process.  I find it fascinating that as a writer,  feelings evoked by a specific song and channeling that onto the page (or, the screen) is a really cool thing to be able to do.  I remember Holly Lisle saying something about using parts of yourself and your life (very little, not everything) in your fiction would make it more real to the reader.  But oftentimes, I as a writer need it to feel real to me.  And I think attaching a significant song to it made it more real, at least in my mind, enough so that I could write the scene fairly well.  It’s an interesting thing.

This is why I almost always have some type of theme song for characters, worlds, and books.  Alpha Femle reminds me a bit of Flamebound, because the music is influencing the plot in unexpected ways.  Queensryche’s “No Sanctuary” inspired an actual part of the world of Flamebound, and “Take Hold of the Flame” (also by Queensryche) inspired the entire thing.  And it’s both songs that drove the plot, drove the characters.  Music is very, very good for me and my muse.

So, that was a good writing session.  1,439 words, almost double my quota.  I’d had a migraine since last night that finally went away, and lamented to the beloved that I was out of the mindset because I’d skipped last night’s writing.  And it was a bit difficult at first, but Iron Maiden, believe it or not, got me through that part.

So I’m on my way.  My next task is to do a Tarot reading to generate a few plot twists.

Notecards!

So I’ve begun the notecarding process on Pirouette.  I’m on scene 43, page 230 of a 771-page document.  Yikers.  I’m already seeing some stuff that needs fixing, tweaking, and changing.  I’m using Holly Lisle’s HTRYN notecarding for this so I can get a handle on each scene.  There are a few that I’m cutting, and quite a few so far that need help.  I knew this would help me a great deal, so this will all be worth it.

I’ve done a rough draft of the timelines and Alisia and Lucien’s and Raelan’s (the villain) arcs.  Note I say rough draft.  These should help me with getting the timing and pacing down.

This is kind of exciting and terrifying at the same time.  I’m revising a novel.  A novel that I’ve been working on for 5 years.  And I’m learning alot of new, helpful things.  It’s a process.  I can’t wait to dig in and do more, make the book better. 

On Alpha Female, I’m up to 11k and there’s a chance it might run long (no kidding, with the way I write) but I’ve been able to keep the plot tight.  As for the plot, it’s pantsing all the way for me.  Last night – or the night before, I don’t remember — I couldn’t get to sleep right away so I brainstormed.  Been doing alot of that.  My hope is that it still fits the anthology theme.  If it doesn’t, it’s not a big deal.  I can submit it elsewhere.  But it would be good to submit it to the place I originally wanted to submit it to, right?

So lots going on, although my Inner Slave Driver seems to think I’m going to slow…..

Reassessing and making decisions.

Whilst on vacation, I did alot of thinking and brainstorming and figuring.  I did a bit of writing and a bit of revision, but mostly kept things open because it was vacation.  Luckily, the Inner Slave Driver was actually in agreement with me this time.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to work on one book at a time.  Working on three wasn’t difficult, but it was cutting into the time I could be working on Pirouette (we’re back to Pirouette now, no third draft or 1.0).  While it was good to take a break, I’m now starting to feel the urge again.

Considered doing another rewrite for the sheer amount of stuff that needs to be changed or fixed.  A lot of people I asked about it strongly suggested against not doing a rewrite because I should learn how to revise.  Flamebound is the first novel/novella I’ve attempted to revise since a failed attempt in 2004ish.  Unfortunately, with the amount of work I still have yet to do on Flamebound (before even making the changes and such), it won’t be ready by the end of the year.  I just can’t see it happening. 

With Broken, that can be done whenever.  I have no set deadline or timeframe.  When I can, I will continue work on it.

However, my one big goal was to get something out THIS YEAR.  With the year half gone, I need to get moving.  And I feel the urge with Pirouette.  I’m using a mix of methods for this.  Some HTRYN methods and some of my own.  Also Holly Lisle’s One Pass Revision methods. Going to be notecarding soon, to figure out how the scenes are working (or not working).  I need to get a handle on Alisia and Lucien’s relationship arc.  Also Raelan’s (the villain).  I may go through them separately and then string it all back to together once it’s good.  I’ll be rewriting some things.  Refiguring others.  I’m also going through every single crit I got and making notes.  I thought I’d remember and I didn’t remember alot of it (this is from last year on the 2nd draft).  Some things I fixed in the 3d draft, but there’s still alot that’s messed up.  I’m also going to be doing some Tarot readings and some journal entries in Alisia’s voice.  I might write some in longhand.  Basically, I’m using a bunch of things that I think will help.  And I want to get through this rather quickly (not crappy, mind you, just quickly) so I can get it to my critiquers. 

I hope this will be it (ha, I said that last time) and I can move forward.  My idea is to get it to be the best it can be, using all of the things I’ve learned and using my critters’ insight.  I’m hoping I can nail it, or at least come close, this go-around.

I made a discovery while reading one of my critter’s notes.  The 2nd draft sucked.  Yeah, it had its good points, but most of it was awful.  Granted, I wrote it in 2007 almost completely with voice recognition software (and, despite my fearsome editing skills, I still missed a ton of mis-recognitions 😦  ) and well….I’ve gotten better over the past 3 years.  I think I can do a better job.

But I believe in the story.  I wouldn’t be working myself into a tizzy if I didn’t.  Sure, I could move on, but regardless if this book gets published, I need to learn to revise/edit.  Although I might be one of those writers that just does multiple drafts.  Hopefully, I’ll get a clue.  Meantime, I’ll be plugging away at Pirouette.  It needs to shine.

Why I love pantsing. Why you should do it, too.

For those of you not familiar with the term, “pantsing” refers to writing “by the seat of your pants” or “winging it.”  Some writers, like me, use a rough outline while others will not use one at all.  I actually considered myself a hybrid between pantser and outliner because some of my outlines can get detailed, whereas sometimes I’ll just have a vague idea of where I’m headed but nothing is EVER in stone.  EVER.  If a change I come up with on the fly serves the story better, than I’m all for it.

The thing with pantsing is that there’s so much discovery.  In my first drafts — especially those — I discover, literally, the story as I’m writing it.  Sure, I might have a rough outline that says “Susie gets married” and “Jenni goes to the store and meets someone there” but then maybe it’ll mutate and become something different, but something similar.  Usually, when I’m doing this, I’ll subconsciously (almost magically) combine things differently than the outline, but the result is usually pretty close.  Other times, it’s completely different, and that’s okay.  Now alot of writers need an outline.  They have to have that security — and that’s okay.  Hell, I feel pretty solid if I have some ideas of what I’m doing.  For Broken, I’ve got a pack of notecards with possible scenes on them that aren’t even in order.  They’re just ideas.  I might use them, I might veer off.  But I would hesitate to call it an outline.  And that’s okay, because sometimes, that’s the way I like it.

My characters work best as they hit the page.  I’ve done alot of prework on characters in the past, and in Survivor, that prework was invaluable.  However, I consider that to be the exception.  Because with all my other projects, nothing I did ahead of time stuck.  Alisia in Pirouette was supposed to hate her magic and herself.  Huh?  She doesn’t, although she does take pains to conceal it from everyone for different reasons.  I’m not entirely certain how it would have worked if I’d forced that part in.

So my characters show me who they are as we go.  The reason for this post is part of a revelation about Claire.  The main one touched down a few days ago and it left me stunned.  But today, going about my day, the reason why — which had eluded me so far — hit me.  And it made perfect sense.  As if I’d friggin planned it.  And that, my friends, is the power of pantsing.

I believe that the Muse (or subconscious) knows all.  She may not let you in right away, or never, or she might toss up hints here and there and then lightning will strike.  I learned about this in Holly Lisle’s How To Think Sideways class and I am a total believer.  In one of her lessons, she talks about things that you’ll be compelled to write that you don’t understand at the time but then later, it all makes sense.  It’s kind of like that.  My muse knew what the deal was, and tossed me that clue, and BAM! Today it came together beautifully.  I couldn’t have planned it better.

So now I know something fundamental about Claire, an elusive, enigmatic character.  And I didn’t have to do up any character sheets, or questionnaires, or anything.  Not that that’s wrong or bad, but as I’ve said, my process doesn’t seem to work that way.  And it worked well and almost too perfectly.  i can’t recommend this method enough.

If you’re an outliner, and you’re stuck, try this.  If it doesn’t work, fine, but maybe you’ll discover something you never knew before.  Maybe you’ll find out that this works, too.  And no one says to give up outlining — but sometimes writers need to be open to new things.  Hell, the idea of having a conversation with a character stuck me as odd, but now?  It’s one of the first things I do when I’m stuck.  Or freewriting.  That’s another cool trick I discovered just by being open to new things, new ideas. 

So that’s why I love pantsing.  Broken is at 9k currently and there’s very little that I know for sure, but for me, that’s where the magic is.  Where the story lies and where it leads.  It may take some twists and turns and detours, but I’m always amazed at what I can come up with on the fly.  It’s really amazing. 

So, pants it.  You’ll be glad you did.  😉

Return of the One-Pass Revision

After much thinking and banging my head against the wall, I’ve decided to do a One-Pass Revision on Pirouette the Third.  There are still issues, and it needs an edit, and the One-Pass combines the two and was pretty helpful the first go-around.  No tweaky pass this time.  I’d like to dive in and see what I can do.  I’m also going to modify it slightly to include some of the methods in Holly Lisle’s HTRYN.  Particularly the notecarding aspect of it.  Another thing I’ll need to nail down is the main and secondary character arcs to better solidify things in my head.  I’m not sure it works quite right in this draft.  And a new blurb.

I might even try to start this while on vacation.  Thank you, Inner Slave Driver. 

As for other projects, Broken  is coming along.  It’s around 8k right now, and my muse dropped a HUGE bomb on me a few days ago about Claire.  Still puzzling that one out.  Also pantsing it almost completely, and I’m enjoying it.

With Flamebound, I’m up to lesson 8 on the HTRYN.  I also have some good ideas for the rewrite/revision/expansion.  Whatever it happens to end up being.

So with less than 2 days to go before vacation, I have A Plan.  This is a good thing.  Because for the past week or so I’ve been freaking out and mentally flailing over WHAT to do with Pirouette the Third.  Edit?  Revise?  Rewrite for the 4th time?  I’ve gotten some feedback and some of it leads me to think that I don’t — or shouldn’t — do another rewrite.  And I also have some mixed reviews on two versions of the first scene, which I need to also puzzle out.  Lots of work ahead, but it’ll be worth it.