Tag Archives: Eternal Dance

One incarnation of my first finished novel, The Sacrifice, whereby I tried to weave in fantasy elements. It no longer exists as such, but parts of it are alive here and there in other projects. Ah, the memories.

Second draft blues.

I just hit 73k today in Pirouette.  Normally, that would be a cause for celebration.

But I just feel so …..meh….about it.  It’s not that it’s not exciting: today’s scene, totally unplanned, involved the dead driving Alisia nuts, as well as someone very important from her past.  She also almost fucked up bigtime, but didn’t.  Yeah.  So that was pretty exciting.

It’s just that I have this horrible perfectionist streak that comes out every so often.  Although I keep telling myself, this is a new draft, you can still screw up a bit, you’re gonna revise, revise, revise the hell out of it, it still doesn’t really help.  I tend to hate most of everything I write at first anyways.  And I just want to go back to the days when I wrote first and thought later.

It could be that I’ve passed the halfway mark and I’m inching towards the big 80k mark, where the middle is supposed to segue into the ending.  But funny, it doesn’t feel that way, mostly because I think the book will end up being closer to 150k that the projected 120k.

120k is on the high side, anyways.  I figured I could wittle it down to 1ook.  But 150k is too long.  And I’m not writing another 400k draft.  So it’s 150k or nothing.

I have also added scenes as I went.  Stuff I didn’t consider when outlining.  I have a sea of questions in my head that needs answering, and will prolly result in more scenes. 

So I’m feeling a little down about this.  Not for any specific reason — just that it’s not done, and it was supposed to be done by the end of the year.  That was me dreaming — my wrist, although tons better, is still a problem.  Lately I’ve been writing every three days.  When before I wrote 1k+ per day.  It’s very hard getting my head around it.  I used to be a machine.  Now I’m a broken-down machine and it’s killing me.

I only hope I can get it done in 2008, b/c the next step is the Agent Hunt. 

Mercy me, as Alisia would say.

I recall my first second draft ever, Eternal Dance.  This thing was a mess and a half.  It was too depressing and I kept changing things.  It got split into two books, and is thus no longer.  But I remember how depressing it was to rake through the draft and hurt it.  But I know that’s what needs to be done.  I need to get each draft to the best level I can possibly get it to.  I can’t get all soft about the drafts.  I keep them, mostly for nostalgic purposes, but that’s all they are.

I also worry about my abilities.  I read all of these published books, and excerpts of others, and I think, wow, that could be me.  Operative words, could be.  I believe I’m aways off from that quality.  My writing partner would prolly disagree, but I totally believe that.  I’ve been working (seriously) at this since 2003.  I’ve gotten loads better but I still have alot of ground to cover.  It’s not over yet.

And still, I believe that I can do this.  I can get published.  Pirouette will rock and maybe it will become a series.  Maybe it’ll sell a ton.  Maybe it will tank.  But it’s been a wild ride so far, and I have, for the most part, enjoyed the journey.

So hopefully this little depression is temporary.  I’m sure I can make it better.  Make the draft better, that is.  I just need to keep working on it.  And keep writing.  That’s the only way it’s gonna get done.  I need to remember that, and focus.

I’m the only one who can tell Alisia and Lucien’s story.  They are like friends, and I can’t let them down, can I?

The Killing Rewrite

A true dialogue between Alisia and myself: and yes, the allusion to Queensryche’s song “The Killing Words” is totally intentional.

 EK: *whines* I’m having such a hard time with this damn rewrite.  It just seems to be going slow.  And slower.  You know, I just broke 5k a few days ago.

Alisia: *contemplative* And you can’t work faster because…..?

EK: *rolling my eyes* Because then it’ll turn to crap!  You know, like draft 1– *realizing what she just said and insinuated* –I mean, it’s not crap–

Alisia: You bet it isn’t!  It’s utter brilliance!  *she looks so feral, especially her eyes, and for a moment the Weaver is scared*

EK: That utter brilliance fell just shy of 400k.  Four. Hundred. K.

Alisia: So?  That’s how long it took to tell the story.  That’s ok, right?

EK: *shakes her head, wishes she had some Bailey’s to down* It’s not okay, Alisia.  It’s murder.  It’s….terrible!  I can’t write short.  It’s impossible.  *sighs, putting head down on table that suddenly appears*

Alisia: *patting the Weaver’s shoulder consolingly* Shhh.  It’s ok.  Whatever you need to do, do it.  I have faith in you.

EK: *looking up at Alisia* Uh….you do?

Alisia: Of course!   *she smiles, baring teeth that could almost pass for fangs* That’s why I picked you to tell my story.

EK: *narrows eyes*  So how come it changed after draft 1?  Why are you now Fae?

Alisia: *shrugs* Hell if I know.  Things get obscured sometimes.

EK: Great.  Now you sound like a prophetess.

Alisia: I am— *she stops, covering her mouth with one pale hand* I’m not supposed to say that, am I?

EK: Nopers.  Nice save.  *stretches like a cat*  So.  I am frustrated with this rewrite.  I keep wanting to edit the damn thing.  The Weaver never edits anything while in draft form.  It’s just…not done. *starts picking at one semi-long fingernail, then remembers her oath to herself not to do that, and fists her hand instead*

Alisia: Well, apparently the Weaver needs to learn some new tricks.

EK: But what good is editing doing me?  I backtrack!  I do the very thing S.L. Viehl says not to!  And I love her writing.  She rocks.  So why can’t I rock like that?

Alisia: *rolling her eyes* You do rock, just in a different way.  Okay.  *sits down on a chair that magically appears*  Here’s the thing.  Maybe editing isn’t so bad.  Maybe it is helping, even though it doesn’t feel that way right now.

EK: *nods, looking slightly confuzzled*  That could be.  But it just goes against the grain of everything.

Alisia: But remember, Weaver, remember.  This is your first real rewrite.  It’s bound to be a little weird.  You’re a speed demon on wordcounts.  I mean, 15 minutes and 500+ is damn good.  So, you just gotta roll with it.  You dig?

EK: *arches a brow* But you know, Eternal Dance was, technically, my first rewrite.

Alisia: That never made it past the first few chapters, as I recall.  *she buffs her fingernails against her top* And then before that, it was The Sacrifice. When you got annoyed with that, Radio Waves was born.  What ever happened to that one, anyhow?

EK: Uh….boredom?  Actually, I just got stalled.  Something else hooked me.  Damned if I remember what it was. 

Alisia: *giggling*  I don’t know how you keep everything straight.

EK: *taps her left temple* It’s called memory and compartmentalization.

Alisia: *makes a sign of warding* Oh, no.  Let’ not get all anal and high and mighty here.  I have a good memory, too.  I’m immortal, remember?

EK: Yes, I do.  *smiles*  But, that’s going to change.

Alisia: *pales visibly* I don’t wanna talk about it.

EK: Fine.  Back on topic.  I need to find a way to allow myself to write and edit and not feel so ….out of sorts with myself.  Any suggestions?

Alisia: You’re asking me?  I’m not a writer.  You are.

EK: But you are a Weaver.  Just a different kind.  So we’re like, cousins, or something.

Alisia: *looks down her nose, looking alot like…royalty* I don’t recall you having royal blood…..

EK: I might, Alisia.  Family legend speaks of it.  *winks*  Anyhow, we are very similar, and I thought you might have some–

Alisia: What about just…I dunno….writing the damn thing instead of worrying?

EK: That’s an idea.  Problem is, it’s that type of attitude that has me 8k behind.  As of tonight.

Alisia: And the race is….? 

EK: *shrugs* Oh, nothing.  Just a wee little dream of quitting my day job to be a fulltime writer.  Tiny thing.  Insignificant really.

Alisia: Awwww.  I’ve offended you.

EK: Who me, offended?  Nah.

Alisia: That’s right!  You don’t offend easily.  But…this hurts you doesn’t it?  You want this.  I can tell.

EK: *hangs head* Since I was really young.  I can’t bear to let that go.  And I have a chance.  But if I fuck it up, it’ll be gone. 

Alisia: *touches her Weaver’s wrist* Don’t worry.  You won’t fuck up.  You have me to pester, bother, and annoy you.  It will happen.  You’ll see.  You’ll be on the shelves, and so will I.

*Lucien walks up to them, looking sullen*

Alisia: Nashan, I was just telling our Weaver here that she’s going to make it. 

Lucien: *stares the Weaver down as if looking right into her soul* Make what?

EK: A chocolate, blood-filled cake.

Lucien: Oh.  That sounds….interesting. 

EK: *pretends to swat him upside the head* Hel-lo, prince of all vamps, come back to Earth.  Come back, Lucien.  *glances at Alisia*  What’s wrong with him?

*Alisia and Lucien exchange A Look*

Alisia: He’s upset that he hasn’t made an appearance yet in the rewrite.

EK: See what I mean! *throws up her hands in disgust* I haven’t fucking gotten there yet!

Lucien: It’s alright.  I’m sure it will be brilliant.

EK: Great, just what I need.  Pressure….

Alisia: Well, it could always be worse.  You could be dead.

Alisia’s voice can be heard in the background…. Stop editing this fucking post, will you!

…and an update.

Didn’t wanna mix these two, so here’s my second post.   The worldbuilding is coming along swimmingly.  Sometimes it feels like I’m swimming upstream, but it’s happening.  I’m still changing things around.  Finally settled on a mark of the Goddess Morrighan (the celtic goddess of war and fury) which, I shit you not, I actually drew myself.  Being that my drawing skills are practically nil, I’m proud of that.  It’s basically a scythe (Grim Reaper style, except reduced to one continuous line with no detail) intersected by half a moon.  Because Alisia has death magic, and it’s governed by the moon….it seemed logical.

Now I’m working on the villian’s magic.  I’ve changed his magic so many times, it’s ridiculous.  Nothing seemed right, you know?  So I keep trying to hit upon that special thing that gives me chills.  Today it’s souls.  Tomorrow, it might be different.  I like the soul thing though so I will be exploring that further.

This weekend there’s an edit marathon at Forward Motion, so I’ll be doing some editing.  Yay.

And lastly, an old project reared its head today. I was idly going through my Palm doc files, and ran across my first Nano ever, and my first finished novel, The Sacrifice.  My, that draft sucked, but I took part of it and made it Darkweaver.  And the rest is now what is known as Surrender.  It was in the writing queue before Pirouette took over, but it sorta fell by the wayside.  Sacrifice has undergone many changes, including my first attempt at dark fantasy, Eternal Dance.  Brilliant, I think.  😉  Anyhoo, I am now officially itching to work on that project again.  Who knows when though!  I’m “booked” till the end of the year.  But it will go in the plotbunny file, and maybe I can resurrect it in time.  Some cool worldbuilding elements came to me so I will probably poke at it from time to time.  But….it must stay on the side.  Waaaaaay off.  Cuz you know, I got three others that are patiently waiting for their turn in the spotlight……