2011 in Review and 2012 Goals: The Year of Change

This year has been a game changer for me, so I had to constantly revise and refine my goals numerous times.  Here’s the recap:

~I didn’t query a single agent this year, but I did participate in an agent-judged contest and didn’t even make the first cut.  However, it was a great experience putting my work out there. I also strongly believe that the book I used wasn’t the right one.

~Pirouette, my beloved Pirouette, is off the table this year.  I finished the revision (4th draft) and sent it off to critiquers as planned.  However, preliminary feedback has suggested that it might not be ready for submission yet.  While my first instinct was to rip it to shreds again, it was suggested by some close writer friends that I set it aside to gain much needed distance, as I’m failing to see its true flaws.  Now I am still waiting for the rest of the feedback, but I have a feeling I’ll get more of the same.  Either way, I need distance.  Right now, it has become the book of my heart which is not a good thing.  So, for now and most likely 6 months to a year, Pirouette will rest.  I’ll get the rest of the feedback hopefully soon and will start making some decisions.

~Pirouette was the only novel I felt was submission-worthy, so there was nothing to submit anywhere else, unfortunately.

~I’ve made the decision to experiment with self-publishing for my fiction.  I’m currently hard at work on Fey Touched, which I hope to publish through Turtleduck Press next year.

So, because if these things, everything needed an overhaul.

Let’s look at the 2011 goals, shall we?

~SUBMIT something.  This is HUGE.  This year was supposed to be the year for that, but I got a bit derailed.  I will submit something if it kills me.  Most likely either Alpha Female or Pirouette. As I said above, this was not in the cards.
~Finish up Alpha Female and get it critted. I did finish the final revision, but I’m stuck on some plot points, so this has been waiting patiently for me to return to it.
~Do the final revision on Pirouette and get it to critters. Ding, ding, ding! Done.
~Submit something! Again, did not happen, sadly…actually technically, I did submit something to that contest.  That’s big.
~Continue Flamebound revision, hopefully finish (I see a rewrite in my future…) I have continued the revision, but I’m still on lesson 8. I am making progress, just slowly.
~Finish Without Wings, my second poetry chapbook with Turtleduck Press, and get it to approvals by Feb. 1st.  This is a biggie because it still needs some work and time is ticking. Ding, ding, ding! Done.
~Write (hopefully) Darkweaver. Completely derailed, but I’m tentatively scheduling this for 2012.  I have a specific publisher in mind.
~Work on Don’t Close Your Eyes, chapbook #3.This one is also off the table, for two reasons: 1) I’m done writing chapbooks for the foreseeable future, and 2) The subject matter is something I can’t write about yet.  I’m not ready.
~Do not get derailed this time.  Stay to the goals. Ha, ha, HA!
~Get an agent. This is also off the table till I get something submission-worthy done.  I have a few ideas.

While this looks totally pitiful, I’ve learned a lot this year: roll with the changes, be flexible, sometimes you can’t keep to the exact plan, experimentation is great, and, most of all, sometimes something isn’t ready for the big time.  While it might feel that way, it’s not necessarily so.  Big lesson here.  And distance.  I’m learning this right now.

Soooooo what’s in store for 2012, huh?

This is all subject to change (gotta declare that):

~Finish Fey Touched and eventually self-publish it (includes lots of revisions and lots of blood, sweat, and tears).  It’s currently at 58.5k.  Goal is 100k.
~Continue Flamebound revision, hopefully move on from lesson 8!
~Write a novel (to be determined later.  Current contenders are Survivor Rewrite, Darkweaver, and Fey Touched 2)
~Get unstuck on Alpha Female (note I didn’t say – finish Alpha Female – this one I think is taking its sweet old time)
~Write more poetry (nebulous, yes. That’s all I’m willing to commit to)
~Take more pictures (photography has been sooooo neglected and I miss it so much!)

~And lastly, WORK ON GETTING FREELANCE EDITING JOBS.  I had a few opportunities this year but they didn’t work out, although one was a very close call.  Not only do we need the money, but my long-term goal is to make enough money to leave my day job.  Scary, yes.  Impossible?  I don’t think so, if I do this right.  And I know this won’t happen overnight — in fact, it could take quite awhile – years, maybe.  But, as long as I’m moving forward, making progress, that’s enough for me. I want to believe I can make this happen.  But if I never start, how will I ever know?

So those are my goals for next year.  😀  What are your goals for 2012?

 

 

Decisions, decisions.

I just got back from vacation.  We camped up North at a beautiful campground.  It was, for the most part, nice.  Unfortunately, it rained a lot, so we spent more time in the tent than out of it.  But hey, a week off work was wonderful.

I go back tomorrow.  Not looking forward to that.

I had decided to try to finish Pirouette this weekend.  No crazy pressure, just a goal to keep me motivated.  I had something like 30 pages to edit, so it was doable.  And I did!  I have a few minor things to fix (a few continuity things) but it’s pretty much done!  Yay!  And I made my goal of finishing it by the end of the month — a week early, no less.  I’ll need to run it through a quick edit, then it’s off to critiquers!

Kind of exciting and kind of scary all at once.

So I’m starting to think about my next project.  I would like to get back to writing.  I’ve done very little all year, and my muse needs something new, fun, and most of all, not editing.

So at first I was thinking Darklight.  I’m pretty excited about it, but I need to nail down a few things first.  I also need to brainstorm a plot — even just something to get me started.  I don’t necessarily need the whole thing, just a springboard to jump off of.  I know that my main character is going to escape her confinement, but that’s it.  I need more than that.

Then I remembered Broken (to be re-titled Oubliette) from last year.  My supernatural thriller thing.  I read it over last night and fell back in love. It’s 12k at the moment, and I have scene cards already made for it.  No actual plot, just ideas.  But that can definitely work.  Both are possibilities for Turtleduck Press, so working on either one will get me closer to self-pubbing.

So….which one?  I’m very excited about both, and considered doing both at the same time, but that’s crazy.  I’ve tried drafting up to 4 (yes, you read that right) novels at once and it was….chaotic.  I don’t doubt my ability to keep things separate, but I’d like to focus on one project.  I think my energy would be better spent working on one.

My gut is saying Oubliette, because it’s already started and I’m really excited about it.  But I suppose I can wait a bit and see..still have that edit to do and 2 critiques I owe some writer friends.  So we’ll see.  Nothing’s in stone yet, but I’m leaning toward Oubliette.

Stay tuned.  The epic battle begins now.

Working hard or hardly working?

I guess it’s a matter of perspective.  I’ve made some great progress on Pirouette.  I’m up to page 107 (of around 281) but that’s a bit deceptive because I ripped out 3 scenes and replaced them with one new one.  I’ve had a few missteps, but I think I have it nailed.  What’s going to be a challenge is integrating the new stuff into the old stuff.  While watching my ever-growing wordcount as well.  I always tend to write long when drafting.  I still have quite a few scenes to cut, but I’m still nervous.

I also have been brainstorming a new idea which might end up being a future Turtleduck Press book.  That’s right.  The explanation is long and complicated, so I’ll just say this: I want to experiment with this and see where it goes.  I’m still looking to publish traditionally and that’s still the goal, but this could be something, too.  I believe in being open to all opportunities.  Anyhoo, it’s tentatively called Darklight, and all I know for sure is that there will be witches and doppelgangers.  I’m leaning towards horror/paranormal, but I really don’t know.  It’s still up in the air right now.

So, that’s what’s been going on.  I might poke at the Flamebound revision this weekend with my pokey stick of doom.  It’s occurred to me that June is only a few days away and it means that almost half the year has gone by.  Which means that I need to hustle.  And work faster while not sacrificing quality.  That’s the whole point of this.  To make these existing manuscripts better, not let them just languish. And hopefully submit them somewhere.

So, I will enjoy my three-day weekend and I’ll see how much I can get done.  Hopefully a lot.

Update – Still alive, mostly.

Um, yeah.  I’ve been working on Pirouette (up to page 88 of 281) and promoting both Life as a Moving Target and Without Wings.

I’ve had some issues with Pirouette.  I’ve made a very critical change to the book near the beginning, and while I believe it will make everything stronger, it kind of threw me for a loop.  Alisia and Lucien have to react to this and it’s not something they’ve encountered before.  Also, they are newly married, so things are a bit tricky right now.

I just finished the second new scene of 3 and I’m not sure I nailed it.  Lucien leaves the room at the end, and I didn’t plan that.  I asked my muse, “WTH? Why did he leave?” And my muse hasn’t answered my question yet.  I hope she will sometime soon.

I’m also a bit worried about the length.  Two words: Growing. Again.

In cheerier news, I have some new and not-so-new stuff happening.  I’ve decided my next project is to try to finish the revision of Flamebound and then begin the rewrite.  I have some ideas for that, and I might try to fit in some revision work here and there when I can.  Pirouette is still the priority though.

And lastly, I have an idea for a horror story.  I don’t even know what it wants to be – short story, novella, or novel.  It came fast and furious in the shower one night and I’m pretty excited.  Just don’t know when I’ll be working on it.  It doesn’t even have a title yet.

So that’s what’s shaking here in my world.  Stay tuned.

Without Wings is now available!

Without Wings, my second chapbook with Turtleduck Press, released yesterday!  It explores the dark side of love.

My friend and fellow indie author SM Reine wrote an awesome review!

Here’s an excerpt:

“Her poetry has a way of painting pictures with negative space– that is to say, the things she withholds from the poems, rather than what she puts in them.  She dives right into the depths of emotion without hesitancy, and she has arranged the poems within to create a rhythm throughout the chapbook that flows as well as her poetry itself. ” 

You can read the review, as well as a short interview I did with SM Reine, here: http://www.smreine.com/2011/04/review-and-interview-without-wings-by.html  .

And to buy or for more information, visit us at http://www.turtleduckpress.com . I will be doing a giveaway very soon!

In other news, the Free-For-All ended up becoming Pirouette month. Which is just fine.  I’m on page 32.  It sounds like not a lot, but I’ve made some fantastic progress on the worldbuilding and the characterization.  I also have some ideas for the story as a whole.

Which leads me to my next point.  I realized that, while writing and rewriting novels may at times seem slow and inefficient, it also helps bring the entire thing into better focus.  For an example, in draft 2, I had Alisia totally unwilling to do something.  She fought with the people forcing her into it, but eventually figured she was overruled and went along with it.  That to me seemed rather shaky and Alisia is not one to go along with something she doesn’t want to do.  So, instead, in this draft, she’s going along with it, yeah, but to prove everyone wrong.  I think this is keeping with her personality more than in draft 2.

I also added some neat little touches to the world that will become important later on.

Alisia is more snarky now, if that’s even possible.  I’d wondered if I’d forgotten how to write her.  Nope, just took a little sabbatical.  She’s alive and kicking again!

So you see, I had to write 3 drafts to get to that destination.  I believe that nothing is ever wasted, even if I scrap something and start over.  It’s still there, in my head, and it can be revisited or refigured.  But I wouldn’t have gotten here without the original scene in draft 2.

Now my task is to keep the characterization consistant throughout the book.  Alisia and Lucien have to work for their happiness, and there needs to be obstacles.  And there are many.  So, that’s what’s next.

As for Alpha Female, I have a few changes I want to make, and the things I added to Pirouette will affect a few things in Alpha Female, so I think it would be best if I put it on the back burner for now.

I also was considering trying to write more poetry this month.  We’ll see how that goes.

Free-for-All month!

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen!  Since I can’t decide on one project to focus on and the muse is complaining, I’ve decided to do a free-for-all.  Whatever I feel like working on (besides the chapbook – that has to be done), I will work on.  As long as it’s a current unfinished project.  So basically Alpha Female and Pirouette are in the running.  Today I rewrote the first scene of Pirouette and got 606 words I didn’t hate.  That is progress.  😀

I’m not sure if this will work, and what the result will be, but I’ve got to get whatever I can get out of my muse.  Because that’s better than taking a month off, which I considered, but dang.  With just over 14k for the entire year so far, I didn’t want to do that.

But why torture myself?  If I want to work on Pirouette, then good.  Alpha Female?  Fine.  Something else?  Sure, as long as it’s unfinished (I highly doubt that, but gotta give myself room to move here).  It’s an experiment.  We’ll see how it goes.

The running tally:

Pirouette – 1 day, 606 words
Alpha Female – 0 days, 0 words

I’m crazy, I know.

God help me…

Been trying to get into some kind of rhythm and groove after my surgery.  Well, it hasn’t really happened.  Sure, I’ve written stuff.  I’ve spent a lot of time brainstorming and figuring out things.  But I’ve been feeling off kilter. I think part of it was my forced time off writing and part of it is my grandfather’s death.  He was my last living grandparent, 97 years old. His funeral was last week.  I’ve cried only once, but I’ve felt his absence.  I wrote a blog about him on the Turtleduck Press blog.  http://www.turtleduckpress.com . Scroll down a bit.  It’s called “Honoring My Grandfather.”

I have my 2nd chapbook, Without Wings, releasing April 1st.  So this month for me will be getting everything finalized.  We’re down to less than 30 days!

Alpha Female has continued to be my problem child.  I had to cut 5k because, as usual, it wasn’t working.  Started poking at it again tonight, and that didn’t go very well.  I’m thinking of setting it aside and working on it here and there. I’ve only got 5 parts to finish and the draft will be done.

Annnnnd I started the Pirouette revision.  Just 210 words, but hey – gotta start somewhere!  It’s daunting, knowing that this is the last revision (so I’m telling myself) and I’ve got to nail it.  So I’ve been putting it off.  Well, I decided today that I’m going to work on it.  Sentence by sentence if need be.  A lot of it is fine.  It just needs to be tweaked and cleaned up.  There are some things I’m changing too, but nothing major.

It feels good and it feels scary.

Lastly, I got clobbered by a plot bunny recently.  It’s a psychological horror, which I hear has no market, so I’m in no hurry to write it, but dang.  It speaks to the twisted, kinda crazy side of me and it’s drawing me in.  Relentlessly.  It’s about a girl who has erotomania – that is, she believes that someone is in love with her, a famous person, and he’s not.  It’s all a delusion.  And this is a real condition.  And it’s fascinating because, well…imagine what someone in love would go through for the one he or she loves…when the love is reciprocated.  Now imagine that intensity but without it being reciprocated but the girl believing that it is.  Can you imagine some crazy things?  Yeah.  That’s what I’m talking about.  It’s tentatively called Eros in Chains.  Another one to add to the pile.

So….this is going to be an interesting month.  I’m hoping to finish Alpha Female but who knows if that’s going to happen.  I need….something, and I’m not even sure what it is.  Just feel so lost right now.  Hopefully, I’ll find my way again.

Epiphany.

Today I was ready to throw in the towel on Alpha Female — not for good, but for awhile.  I’ve been working on it for about 7 months, pretty much straight through with no real breaks except the week of my surgery.  I was just tired, and the last two days have been rough for me production-wise.  But I’m not a quitter and I realized: I want to finish this.  Sure, I could put it off or wallow in being stuck, but the fact remains: the novella won’t write itself.  The farther I go from it, the harder it will be to get back into and on track.

I realized this because I considered switching back to either Flamebound or Pirouette.  Flamebound especially — when I read over the HTRYN lesson I was currently working on (naturally, I couldn’t have yanno, finished it up) I felt like I was reading Greek.  I read a few of my notes on some changes and again, I’m like, whaaaat?!  And it seemed impossible at this time, so I decided to wait a bit longer.  With Pirouette, this is more of a planned wait because the plan is to come back to it refreshed and I’m almost there, but not quite. Sooooo that left Alpha Female.

And after my recent discoveries, I’m actually excited about it again.  Sure, I’m not sure what rabbit I’m going to pull out of my arse this time (moar questions, how I love thee!) but hey, slow progress is better than none.  One sentence at a time if I have to.  I’m doing this.  I won’t accept anything less.

So poor Natasha is going to have to fight Delia with a magic she doesn’t know and doesn’t understand, and she’s going to have to kill Delia, somehow, even though Delia has a witch on her side.  Obviously, Delia has to die.  There’s no other option there.  Going to think on that one.

But other than that, it’s been a pretty good day.  About 780 new words on Alpha Female after ripping the scene apart.  I’m moving the stuff I ripped out closer to the climax.  Will have more impact that way.

Stay tuned.

Talking to myself yet again – Ilene and her Alpha “ability”

Sooooo I had my surgery on Feb 2nd and I am finally out of the splint and somewhat mobile after a week of being laid up.  Hated it and thought a lot about my writing, although I wasn’t really coherent enough to do anything about it (vicodin, yanno) and the #1 decision I made is to finish up Alpha Female.  So I had today off from work as well as tomorrow and I decided that since I’m supposed to be resting and bearing some weight on my ankle, might as well get some writing stuffs done.

Opened the AF document and tweaked a few sentences.  Reread the last scene and read my last “talking to myself” post.  And…went completely numb yet again.

I love the idea of there being an ability that’s the flipside of the Alpha Male madness — the “manipulation” aspect as I’ve been calling it.  I also like the two bonds going on.  But then I threw myself a curve ball, and I am still puzzling it out.  The idea that the Alpha Female can use the ability as Alpha Female but once she ceases being that, she loses the ability/memory of how to use it.  Okaaaay.  Easiest thing?  Change it.  Remove it altogether.

But I’ve never been one to go the easy route, or one to ignore something potentially cool that came from the Muse.  So let’s run with it, shall we?

And since I haven’t done a character convo in like forever, I think it’s time to do another one.  The character in question is Ilene, the former Alpha Female of the Pack and Luke, the male lead’s mother.  Natasha, Luke’s Alpha Female and the main character, has shown evidence that she’s possibly gained this ability, whatever it is, and needs to learn how to use it because otherwise her nemesis Delia could destroy her through a mental bond.

With me so far?

Okay, so Ilene doesn’t remember a whole lot about this ability for the aforementioned reason.  But I need to know what it is she does remember, and what she’s forgotten, and if this is a viable solution to Natasha’s problem.  Kind of big for a single line of text, but it might turn out to be cool.  Or not.  But I’m gonna figure this out.

*takes a deep breath*  *cracks knuckles*

ME: So, tell me about being the Alpha Female of the Pack.
Ilene: It’s an important job.  The Alpha pair sets the example and tone of how the Pack will function.
ME: That’s good.  I take it you were a good leader.  And you’re now the Pack healer.
Ilene: Correct.
ME: So what do you remember of this ability to manipulate your wolves?
Ilene:I know what it is.  It comes from the same place the Madness comes from.  It’s dark.  It’s not for evil Alpha Females, Alpha Females who want to completely control their wolves.  Tyrants.  Dictators.  It’s to keep the wolves in line, but with love and respect and goodness.  It just seems  like manipulation to some.  And then there’s keeping the ones in line that need it, like Delia.
ME: What is with this chick? She really has it out for Natasha.
Ilene: *nods* Oh yes.  She was sure she was going to be Luke’s Alpha Female.  It’s eating her alive.
ME: Truly.  So do you recall how it works?
Ilene: Through the bond.  Somehow.
ME: But you don’t recall how.
Ilene: It’s foggy.  I don’t believe it was harmful to the wolf it’s used on.  It can be if warranted, and that would need to be discussed, but an Alpha Female’s purpose is never to harm her wolves.
ME: What about the golden threads Natasha sees in her head?  Do those have anything to do with it?
Ilene: *nods* Possible.
ME: But not for sure.
Ilene: No.
ME: Any other stuff you remember, no matter how insignificant it might seem?
Ilene: Yes.  When Tasha saw Deliain her head, it pinged my brain a bit.
ME: Explain?
Ilene: It seemed familiar, as if maybe I’d had that happen to me as Alpha Female.  That might be a direction to investigate.
ME: But Tasha was hurt by that, horrifically (and SPOILER ALERT! there’s more coming! END SPOILER ALERT).  She can’t possibly have to use that to “manipulate” Delia.
Ilene: It’s a distinct possibility.
ME: What about psychic stuff?  Delia’s got something psychic going on.  Could this ability be psychic in nature?
Ilene: We as a race aren’t actully psychic, although we do use a basic form of telepathy when in wolf form.
ME: And the healing.
Ilene: Yes. 
ME: Could Luke healing Tasha have anything to do with this?  Would it give her more ..power, for lack of a better word, in this ability?
Ilene: It’s part of it, but it’s actually because she almost died once and actually died once.  It gave her an expanded awareness of her wolves on a totally different level. 
ME: Could her dying tie into the ability?  Kind of like necromancy?
Ilene: *looks baffled* I don’t think so.
ME: Necromancers don’t just raise the dead.  They communicate with the dead and can control the dead.  Could Tasha’s ability be a form of necromancy, except…it’s with living wolves?

NOTE: Now we’re on to something.

Ilene: I suppose that could be.  Don’t necromancers have an expanded awareness of the dead?
ME: Bingo.  So if we could treat this as a form of necromancy (Lupi-mancy?), maybe we could figure out how it works.
Ilene: I believe I might remember something.
ME: Tell me.
Ilene: Well…it’s the mind.  Tasha needs to connect with the mind.  Delia’s in wolf form, so it’s going to be harder since she’s not.  But that connection is key.
ME: I’m still thinking psychic.  Perhaps it’s sort of like a separate plane of existence?
Ilene: I’m not sure.  Just that it’s the mind.  Delia attacked Tasha there, and Tasha can attack or manipulate back using the same channels.  I’m almost sure of it.
ME: *smiles*  Well, I think we have a good chance of nailing this down.  Thank you so much.

So….in summary:

~It’s like necromancy except with wolves who are alive b/c of Tash’s brushes with death.  May allow her to communicate with/control/sense her wolves (“expanded sense of her wolves”)
~It’s connected to the mind.  That Natasha might be able to use the same channel, for lack of a better word, that Delia used to attack her.
~It might have something to do with the “golden threads” in Natasha’s head.
~It’s not meant to harm any wolves, but it is used to keep wolves in line.
~It’s not for “evil” Alpha Females who want to rule.

Soooooo lots to ponder, huh?

ETA: Notes: The life force or inner wolf could be the conduit for this manipulation.  Or something.

Status update.

I’m still alive.  The holidays just about ate me, and I’ve had a few things come up that kept me from making any noticable progress.  But I persevere!

The first thing is Alpha Female.  I’m almost done with the current pass.  I have a few new scenes to write, and do another overall edit for things I might have missed, and after that, I’m calling it done.  Going to see if I can get it beta’ed.  It’s been slow going for the most part.  I haven’t really been focused as of late.  I don’t really know why, just that I’m getting tired of looking at this story.  But I promised myself I wouldn’t set it aside to languish after spending all these months hammering away at it.  So I gotta hang in there, and get it done.

Without Wings, my 2nd chapbook for Turtleduck Press, is almost ready for the approval process.  It’s due on Feb 1st.  I’ve done a few edits and it looks good, so I’ll need another pass to make doubly sure — and to add the acknowledgements and such.  Very exciting.  I was hoping to have some new poems written for it, but that just hasn’t happened.  I just haven’t been in the poetry mindset.  I’m hoping I can write more in the future, though, because I want to get back into it.

And finally, my surgery is happening Feb. 2nd and I anticipate being laid up and doped up for a week, so I have no idea if I’ll be able to get any serious writing done.  We’ll have to see how I’m feeling.  I want to use this time wisely, but if I’m not feeling it, it’s okay.  I remember when I had surgery to remove some hardware from my jaw — the pain meds made me so dizzy that I couldn’t sit at the computer to save my life, so I dictated a scene to a microcassette (this was in 2004).  It was weird, but it worked (and it pre-dated my first serious foray into voice recognition software).  That’s how desperate I was to get something done.  Dunno.  We’ll have to see.

Future projects are Pirouette and Darkweaver, in that order.  That’s another reason to get Alpha Female done and gone.  So I can move on.  I want to move on.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to start Pirouette sometime after my surgery.

So that’s what’s going on.  I had a recent career development that I can’t get into at the moment, but it is a good one, so cross your fingers that it comes through.