It’s been awhile since I posted, and I thought I’d post an update.
Four months ago, I started having excruciating pain in my left eye. I thought, oh, I must have hurt it somehow (which I have done before), so I went to my eye doc who proclaimed my eye totally healthy but sent me to a specialist just in case. The specialist proclaimed it fine, but wanted to run some tests. All came back normal.
At this point, I’d stopped writing because of the pain. I had the Grave Touched revision due on April 1st, and on March 3rd, two days into my preliminary read-through, I determined that I wasn’t going to be able to finish in time. Without pain, revision is tough. With pain? Impossible. So I had to tell my TDP people that I wasn’t able to make my deadline and I would be giving up my August 1st release slot.
So, Grave Touched has been tentatively slotted in for 2014. That damn near broke my heart, but there comes a time when I have to think of the greater good — and my future as a writer. Plus, I wouldn’t have been able to turn in my best work. I knew that. So I opted to let it go. It created a hole in the publishing schedule which we are trying to fill, and although they have been super supportive, I still feel like I screwed everything up. But! Health first. I tend to forget these things.
So I started wondering if I had one of those ongoing migraines, as I suffer from migraines and have had week-long migraines before. I decided to see my neurologist about it. He ordered an MRI of my brain but ruled out a migraine. When the MRI came back with something on it, he ordered a second one to check it out. Turns out it was a glitch
in the Matrix and nothing to be concerned about.
I’m still in pain, and we’re working on getting a diagnosis. Meanwhile, I’ve finally got some medication to help with the pain. Nothing would work before. But this stuff I’ve got is very helpful.
Not writing was tough, and it was making me nuts. I blogged about that here and here.
In the second half of May, I decided that if I didn’t write, I’d go insane, so I decided to set a super-low goal and try to meet it, but no pressure. That worked so well that I wish I would have thought of it sooner. I’ve been working on Darklight, the book I set aside to write Fey Touched. I also took a free class on flash fiction and have been working on a little flash anthology to offer for free. Turns out, I really like it because it’s so short and easy — nothing huge like a novel, you know? And it’s so much fun! So stay tuned for that!
Now I’m looking at working on the Grave Touched revision. I started reading over my notes and have been slowly re-introducing myself to the world and the book itself. It’s not going to be easy, but I want this book finished and out there so I have to put in the work. I believe I’m capable of that, just a bit slower than I used to be. In some ways, it feels as if I’m starting over from scratch.
It’s been rough, especially since I have a day job and no painkillers would touch this. I have a very high-stress, complicated job. Luckily, my bosses and co-workers have been very supportive. The meds I have now make me loopy and dizzy so I’ll just have to suck it up during the day. But hey, it’s not like I don’t know how that feels. I’ve learned quite a bit about strength and perseverance. I have an extremely high threshold for pain, and this is about at my limit of what I can handle. I hope my neurologist comes up with an answer soon. And maybe even a solution.
I am no stranger to this process. Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after looking for an answer for a year. I saw a ton of specialists and had test after test after test. It wasn’t pleasant, but it lead to an answer, so it was worth it. This, too, will be. I just need to believe that it’s going to happen. (If you feel inclined, check out my chapbook, Life as a Moving Target, for the whole story).
So things are moving along, albeit slowly. I’m happy to be writing again and producing and living my life the only way I can. More to come. This story is not over yet!
Also, just a friendly reminder: Turtleduck Press is seeking new members! You must have a polished sci-fi/fantasy manuscript ready. It’s fun, it’s unique, and you’d get to join a bunch of cool people who want to shake things up in the world of publishing.
Stay tuned for updates.