Yeppers.  I was at about 18k on Alpha Female and it all fell apart.  I determined that the new direction I’d taken (which I believed was awesome at the time) was the wrong direction because it became a painful slog.  It didn’t feel right.  So, I decided to rewrite it from almost-scratch.  I have a few scenes I can salvage, but most of it is useless.

However, I believe that’s part of my process.  Write alot, get a feel for the story, then possibly rewrite/revise/whatever to bring the entire thing up to snuff.  Some might say that it’s horribly ineffecient, and a waste of time, but I say no.  Without that initial 18k, the story as it is becoming right now would not exist.  Ideas flow from ideas.  Maybe it wasn’t the right idea, but something triggered what came next.  If I were to take out the 18k completely out of the equation, I’d be back where I started without this better understanding of things.

The sucky part, though, is starting over.  I’m at just under 3k.  I’m now 3 weeks behind essentially, and will only have 1 month to revise versus two.  But, hey, if the story’s not right, why beat a dead horse?  Worse case, if I can’t make the deadline, I’ll submit it to their regular submissions or elsewhere.  Best case, I’ll be able to submit a story I’m proud of.  Either way I win because I’m learning how to write to a deadline.

That said, I was having major problems getting into the mindset, and problems getting the words down.  I kept writing and rewriting stuff, and deleting stuff……I know this is the right path because I feel good about it, but my muse just wasn’t on board.  Could be that on the whole I’m still feeling inadequate as a writer, and I keep telling myself otherwise….and music, which always helps, didn’t do a thing for me.  Nada.  And that never happens.

As for the Pirouette notecards, no new work for the past few days.  Not enough time, not enough energy.  I need to make the time though.  It’s important, too.

Hopefully Ill have better news in the future.

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