I tried, I really did, but the timing just isn’t right for Soulfire. I’d suspected it, and fought it, but there it is. So, it’s official. I’m switching back to Pirouette the Third for the rest of the year.
A few days ago, I realized that I was blocked. And I was in denial. So I listened to Holly Lisle’s Beating Writer’s Block audio book and did a few of the exercises. I discovered a couple of things. 1) That the timing was all wrong. 2) I was, deep down inside, pressuring myself too much to produce. 3) I felt guilty for putting Pirouette the Third aside, even though I’d convinced myself that I needed a break. And 4) I’d made some changes to Soulfire early on and my muse was fighting them. But when I tried to work on it without those changes, I couldn’t do it. I was stuck. But I seemed okay to work on Pirouette the Third, so heck, I’ll take anything I can get at this point, as long as it’s not nothing.
Yeah, seems I can pressure myself without even realizing it. And in the wake of the family drama, I need to be gentle to myself. I’m not a writing machine. I can produce. But I can’t force something to come just to say that I’ve done it, or to win Nanowrimo. I need time to heal. If that means that Soulfire has to be put aside, then so be it. I considered taking a 2-week break from writing, but decided to give it a shot. It’s working so far. Slowly. Yesterday I wrote 288 words, and today I wrote 519. No. Pressure.
Unforgiven is still niggling at me. I have no idea what to do with it. I don’t want to overdo things, but the idea is really compelling. Part of the problem is that I have an inciting incident and a vague idea of a few things, but nothing really definite. That’s never stopped me before (remember Requiem in Blue?) but this one, since it’s somewhat a new genre for me (thriller), and it’s personal, needs special attention. So I guess we’ll see.
I feel good about the decisions I’ve made, almost at peace. And right now, peace is a commodity. Maybe by the end of the year I’ll have had made good progress on Pirouette the Third and maybe can start submitting it. No pressure, of course. Just would be nice.
Going to also be working more on my website. I need to get at least the Writer side completed. Stay tuned.