Broken.

Been meaning to get back here and post, but time has been a slippery thing as of late.

Nanowrimo isn’t going too well for me so far.  I’m at 6k, when I should be at 20k.  😦  On day 2 I made the decision to not worry about making 50k.  I’ve been under alot of stress at work, and been having migraines and wrist problems.

And my family’s in crisis right now.  Can’t really get into it for privacy reasons, but basically someone very close to my heart betrayed us (not the beloved!). Someone who I never thought would ever do something so …..awful.  Family has always been important to all of us, and well….I just don’t know.

Been mostly numb, although I’ve had a grand total of two meltdowns, one at work which really sucked.  I’m coping. I’m trying to make sense of this, trying to handle it best I can, and not go crazy.  It’s been a struggle as of late.  The ones left standing and the beloved have been great, and I am damn grateful for that.  We are lucky to have each other.  And I take comfrort in knowing that at least that will never change.

So…..writing and Nanowrimo haven’t been at the top of my list.  I stopped writing for 4 days immediately following the inciting incident, but felt the urge and started writing again.  Was okay till Nano day 2, and it all broke down.  I feel broken.  I feel as if a critical part of me has gone away, and it won’t be coming back.  Grief?  Not really.  Strangely.  I’m mad more than sad at the moment.  I haven’t spoken to this individual since the incident, and I’m not sure when — if ever — I will.  There are just some lines you just don’t cross, EVER.

Of course, as if I needed more ideas, the muse twists this up and hands me an intriguing — very intriguing — idea.  Loosely based on the incident, but beyond that, pure fiction.  I’m thinking paranormal or horror.  It’s tentatively called Unforgiven (yes, a nod to Metallica) and I might just handwrite the damned thing.  Been meaning to try that method, but always thought it would waste time.  I just read an article about how writers write and guess what?  Most of them draft by hand!  I was surprised, especially in today’s day and age, but whatever works, right?

Just for the record, I almost decided to put Soulfire on the back burner.  Why?  It just wasn’t gelling, until last night.  Now I’m good with it, after a great writing night, if only the wrist would cooperate.

I’ve also been poking at Pirouette the Third  in the middle of all this.  It’s been coming along.

So that’s the lowdown.  Wish I had better things to say.

A quote: The heart remembers what the mind tries so much to forget.  Might be the first line of Unforgiven.  I don’t know.