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Second draft blues.

I just hit 73k today in Pirouette.  Normally, that would be a cause for celebration.

But I just feel so …..meh….about it.  It’s not that it’s not exciting: today’s scene, totally unplanned, involved the dead driving Alisia nuts, as well as someone very important from her past.  She also almost fucked up bigtime, but didn’t.  Yeah.  So that was pretty exciting.

It’s just that I have this horrible perfectionist streak that comes out every so often.  Although I keep telling myself, this is a new draft, you can still screw up a bit, you’re gonna revise, revise, revise the hell out of it, it still doesn’t really help.  I tend to hate most of everything I write at first anyways.  And I just want to go back to the days when I wrote first and thought later.

It could be that I’ve passed the halfway mark and I’m inching towards the big 80k mark, where the middle is supposed to segue into the ending.  But funny, it doesn’t feel that way, mostly because I think the book will end up being closer to 150k that the projected 120k.

120k is on the high side, anyways.  I figured I could wittle it down to 1ook.  But 150k is too long.  And I’m not writing another 400k draft.  So it’s 150k or nothing.

I have also added scenes as I went.  Stuff I didn’t consider when outlining.  I have a sea of questions in my head that needs answering, and will prolly result in more scenes. 

So I’m feeling a little down about this.  Not for any specific reason — just that it’s not done, and it was supposed to be done by the end of the year.  That was me dreaming — my wrist, although tons better, is still a problem.  Lately I’ve been writing every three days.  When before I wrote 1k+ per day.  It’s very hard getting my head around it.  I used to be a machine.  Now I’m a broken-down machine and it’s killing me.

I only hope I can get it done in 2008, b/c the next step is the Agent Hunt. 

Mercy me, as Alisia would say.

I recall my first second draft ever, Eternal Dance.  This thing was a mess and a half.  It was too depressing and I kept changing things.  It got split into two books, and is thus no longer.  But I remember how depressing it was to rake through the draft and hurt it.  But I know that’s what needs to be done.  I need to get each draft to the best level I can possibly get it to.  I can’t get all soft about the drafts.  I keep them, mostly for nostalgic purposes, but that’s all they are.

I also worry about my abilities.  I read all of these published books, and excerpts of others, and I think, wow, that could be me.  Operative words, could be.  I believe I’m aways off from that quality.  My writing partner would prolly disagree, but I totally believe that.  I’ve been working (seriously) at this since 2003.  I’ve gotten loads better but I still have alot of ground to cover.  It’s not over yet.

And still, I believe that I can do this.  I can get published.  Pirouette will rock and maybe it will become a series.  Maybe it’ll sell a ton.  Maybe it will tank.  But it’s been a wild ride so far, and I have, for the most part, enjoyed the journey.

So hopefully this little depression is temporary.  I’m sure I can make it better.  Make the draft better, that is.  I just need to keep working on it.  And keep writing.  That’s the only way it’s gonna get done.  I need to remember that, and focus.

I’m the only one who can tell Alisia and Lucien’s story.  They are like friends, and I can’t let them down, can I?

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4 thoughts on “Second draft blues.”

  1. Hi,
    Strange first time I have ever seen another Alisia Spelt like mine.
    Can I just ask where you got it from.
    Regards
    Alisia

  2. Hi, Alisia! It’s sorta strange where I got it from. Alisia is pronounced AH-LEE-SEE-A. Do you pronouce it the same, or is it an alternate spelling for Alicia?

    Alisia was a character on a show I watch. I took liberties with the spelling — wasn’t sure how it was spelled. I like it because it’s different from Alicia, and the name just suits my character perfectly.

    Cheers,
    EK

  3. Yes that is exactly how it is said.
    Some say ah lis see a.
    But I say Ah lee See a.
    Always new I would be Famous LOL

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